I really hate this waiting period...
And by waiting period I don't mean the 2WW.. I'm talking about the time between my doctor appointments! My fallow up appointment with the fertility doctor is April 8th.. that's in like forever!! (to be exact it's 46 days witch means 2 wasted cycles!) Feel long especially when I'm so close to finally getting the ball rolling.. I hate that February and March have been useless months in trying. I know I don't ovulate on my own, I've charted many of my cycles and they always come back with me not ovulating.. I do get my period because I take progesterone for 10 days to help me regulate but I somehow do not ovulate.. I think my ovaries try to produce an egg but it never matures and doesn't seem to make it out of my ovaries witch result in getting a nice annoying cyst. Joy.
On a better note, I am really looking forward to getting my results from my blood and urine samples and to get the Doc's game plane according to all the results from hubby and I. My birthday is in April :) and I'm really hoping to have a fighting chance that month in getting pregnant. Doc appointment is on the 8th and I usually start my cycle around the 12th-14th and it is usually light and last 5 days.. So hopefully Doc will give us something to try differently then Clomid for that cycle! (Keeping fingers crossed!!)
I do have an appointment March 25th with my Gyno. It will be our initial apt. I've heard great things about this Doctor so hopefully he can work some magic on us :) I'm just a little confused as to how it's going to work since the Fertility Doctor has already seen me and took my case.. and now seeing this new gyno I dont know if they will try and work together so I don't have to drive to Edmonton (4 hours away there and back) every time I need to be fallowed. I do plan on asking him to help me get my Pcos on track and to verify that my progesterone dosage is the right amount for me. My Doc's seemed really good at prescibing me medication but not so good at fallowing threw with the meds and seeing if their giving the proper results. This is something I plan on fixing. If I'm gonna take meds I want to know they are actually doing something and that they are at the right dosage.
Here is to waiting...
The Infertile Mrs.White
Thursday, February 28, 2013
Monday, February 25, 2013
HSG Procedure Day: Check!
Hysterosalpingogram Procedure Day!!!!
If your curious what this procedure is, youtube it!!
I woke up at 7am,.. shower and got ready.. left house at 8:10am and went to gas station to fill up car and get midol witch i was told to take 2, 1 hour before procedure to help with pain. This procedure was getting done in Edmonton again.. so another 2 hour and a bit drive up to do.
Hubby drove up this time and I got to relax and enjoy the ride up.. Once we got to the hospital, we had to go threw 3 diff parking lots to finally find a spot on the 4th floor of parking garage.. Getting anxious at this point thinking we would be late and i'm tired, irritable, hungry and anticipating the worst.. took motrin at 10am when we were about 20 mins from hospital...
I needed washroom 2 times on the way because so nervous makes me have to go.. (I have overactive bladder so doesn't help). We got there just on time.. we got there 10:40 (apt at 11:00) they had told us to be there for 10:40 to sign in.. We then went to waiting room that was designated to us.. I got changed into a gown and waited VERY uncomfortably in waiting room filled with men waiting for their significant other.. I was completely nude under my gown.. i felt really really uncomfortable...
My appointment was supposed to be at 11 .. 11:15 rolls by still waiting.. then 11:30 comes around, i'm starting to get annoyed since my motrin i took is gonna start to loose effect.. want this over with now and loosing my cool inside.. then 11:45 rolls around and now i'm fidgeting in my seat, analyzing every possible reason why it's taking so long with the 3 lady's who are getting procedure done right now..Also i'm just getting really hungry since haven't eaten since last night because food + a stressed body would equal real upset stomach witch i didn't want on a day like today... so no food..
A young lady came in after me, (I had already been waiting 15 minutes or so) she had time to change into a gown.. wait around 10 minutes, then got called, went in for her procedure.. got changed and left and I was still sitting there waiting for another half hour after that.. this pissed me off.. Hubby said she must have had a diff doc but i doubt it.. also looks like she got bad news or something because she was in a rush to get outta there and gave a (lets get the f*ck out of here look to her fiance) where when she came in she was all smiles and confidence.. she will be in my thoughts tonight :-|
Finally I got called in and the nurse lady was really sweet, talked me threw everything, even put her hand over mine at some point and told me it would be over in no time and so on.. really sweet.
My doc was, to my surprise pretty great. He was all smiles, did not make me feel like he's had a long morning or that he was in a rush to move on to the next.. he was there present in the moment and it was nice. It instantly made me feel relaxed. Before anything he came to my side (i was laying down on metal table) and he explained to me the procedure step by step looking into my eyes so it was nice to feel important. He did not make me feel uncomfortable at all.. and they were right, it was quick and before I knew it.. it was over.. I did feel a pinch (VERY painful) when he forced the tube threw my cervix.. I actually said out loud ''Ouuch!'' but after that it was okay. I guess that pain made the rest of the procedure not as bad.
I even got to watch him pour the dye into my uterus on the screen. It was pretty cool, they even moved the 2 screens to where I'd have a good view. To be honest that was a pretty cool experience to witness lol.. I saw the iodine ''spill'' on both sides of my tubes.. man was I ever re-leaved!!
They said it would be normal for me to feel some discomfort for the next day or so, they said most people get bad period cramp feeling (without the period) and to have some bleeding (witch I did have). Right away after the procedure I was fine, no pain.. just bleeding. Hubby and I went to the Edmonton Mall to walk around and shake off the procedure. I think the walking and keeping my mind off it helped alot because I felt fine. (could have been the motrin kicking in haha). Couple hours later I started to feel discomfort and had a bloating feeling. I took 2 more motrin and felt better again.
Weight off my shoulders and now i'm so ready for the next step of this journey.. Trying to conceive with drugs and a fertility specialist by my side makes me feel sooo much more positive about all this.
The fallowing picture I found on google.. shows a bit of what the procedure looks like..
Awkward eh!
On a lighter note, this was me enjoying myself
afterwards at the Edmonton Mall!!!
With love,
The Infertile Mrs.White
If your curious what this procedure is, youtube it!!
I woke up at 7am,.. shower and got ready.. left house at 8:10am and went to gas station to fill up car and get midol witch i was told to take 2, 1 hour before procedure to help with pain. This procedure was getting done in Edmonton again.. so another 2 hour and a bit drive up to do.
Couple minutes off the high way.. heading for downtown..
Hubby drove up this time and I got to relax and enjoy the ride up.. Once we got to the hospital, we had to go threw 3 diff parking lots to finally find a spot on the 4th floor of parking garage.. Getting anxious at this point thinking we would be late and i'm tired, irritable, hungry and anticipating the worst.. took motrin at 10am when we were about 20 mins from hospital...
I needed washroom 2 times on the way because so nervous makes me have to go.. (I have overactive bladder so doesn't help). We got there just on time.. we got there 10:40 (apt at 11:00) they had told us to be there for 10:40 to sign in.. We then went to waiting room that was designated to us.. I got changed into a gown and waited VERY uncomfortably in waiting room filled with men waiting for their significant other.. I was completely nude under my gown.. i felt really really uncomfortable...
My appointment was supposed to be at 11 .. 11:15 rolls by still waiting.. then 11:30 comes around, i'm starting to get annoyed since my motrin i took is gonna start to loose effect.. want this over with now and loosing my cool inside.. then 11:45 rolls around and now i'm fidgeting in my seat, analyzing every possible reason why it's taking so long with the 3 lady's who are getting procedure done right now..Also i'm just getting really hungry since haven't eaten since last night because food + a stressed body would equal real upset stomach witch i didn't want on a day like today... so no food..
A young lady came in after me, (I had already been waiting 15 minutes or so) she had time to change into a gown.. wait around 10 minutes, then got called, went in for her procedure.. got changed and left and I was still sitting there waiting for another half hour after that.. this pissed me off.. Hubby said she must have had a diff doc but i doubt it.. also looks like she got bad news or something because she was in a rush to get outta there and gave a (lets get the f*ck out of here look to her fiance) where when she came in she was all smiles and confidence.. she will be in my thoughts tonight :-|
Finally I got called in and the nurse lady was really sweet, talked me threw everything, even put her hand over mine at some point and told me it would be over in no time and so on.. really sweet.
My doc was, to my surprise pretty great. He was all smiles, did not make me feel like he's had a long morning or that he was in a rush to move on to the next.. he was there present in the moment and it was nice. It instantly made me feel relaxed. Before anything he came to my side (i was laying down on metal table) and he explained to me the procedure step by step looking into my eyes so it was nice to feel important. He did not make me feel uncomfortable at all.. and they were right, it was quick and before I knew it.. it was over.. I did feel a pinch (VERY painful) when he forced the tube threw my cervix.. I actually said out loud ''Ouuch!'' but after that it was okay. I guess that pain made the rest of the procedure not as bad.
I even got to watch him pour the dye into my uterus on the screen. It was pretty cool, they even moved the 2 screens to where I'd have a good view. To be honest that was a pretty cool experience to witness lol.. I saw the iodine ''spill'' on both sides of my tubes.. man was I ever re-leaved!!
They said it would be normal for me to feel some discomfort for the next day or so, they said most people get bad period cramp feeling (without the period) and to have some bleeding (witch I did have). Right away after the procedure I was fine, no pain.. just bleeding. Hubby and I went to the Edmonton Mall to walk around and shake off the procedure. I think the walking and keeping my mind off it helped alot because I felt fine. (could have been the motrin kicking in haha). Couple hours later I started to feel discomfort and had a bloating feeling. I took 2 more motrin and felt better again.
Weight off my shoulders and now i'm so ready for the next step of this journey.. Trying to conceive with drugs and a fertility specialist by my side makes me feel sooo much more positive about all this.
The fallowing picture I found on google.. shows a bit of what the procedure looks like..
Awkward eh!
On a lighter note, this was me enjoying myself
afterwards at the Edmonton Mall!!!
Checking out clothes at the Big and Tall Men's Store..
Scribbled hubby's face.. you know.. anonymous thing..
He's pretty sexy though ;-) haha
There were professional figure skaters practicing with their coaches.. pretty neat to watch..
they were doing twirls and stuff.. all dressed up in flashy fun outfits too haha..
I finally got to see for the first time ever.. the famous roller coasters INSIDE the mall!!!
We didn't ride any but I'm sure we will some other time.. Very cool though!!
Some really cool art piece that's supposed to symbolize Oil Rigs in Alberta.
Pic taken @ Pottery Barn
This is me.. sitting VERY comfortably on a 3000$ leather over sized chair..
This would look amazing in my place haha.. I wish! ;)
This was our drive home... Snowing, foggy and extremely slippery roads!
With love,
The Infertile Mrs.White
Sunday, February 24, 2013
Blood Work: Check!
***I'm late in posting this.. Left it in my draft for couple days.. my bad!***
I got my blood work done at the hospital today... (February 22)
Took forever for the nurse to get all the papers and tubes and labels together. She kept having to check on her computer for witch tubes she needed and what process was needed for each, she also kept double checking them all and told me she wanted to make sure they were all there so I wouldn't have to get it done again.. I laughed and told her it's fine to take her time. In the mean time I did my urine sample and waited staring at a wall while she got ready. She had to go into the lab and get special tubes for my blood and was like ''Wow it's awesome that you have all the right forms and seperate paper work'' I guess other doctors offices and such rush and throw them all on the wrong sheets?! Who knows but I was glad to hear it, meant my doc was competent and knew what he was doing. (witch I already knew cause he must write those papers down daily lol). Nurse also mentioned something about one of my blood samples had to be divided and frozen or something so she said she wanted to make sure she got all the tubes in order.. She was a young nurse but I've got my blood taken from her before and she seems to know what she's doing. I could imagine it's not everyday people get tested what I needed to get done. Other nurses kept walking by laughing when they saw all the sheets I had and the nurse looking stuff up on the computer and her sheets. (I take it she was supposed to go on her break soon because 2 different nurses kept walking by to see if she was done yet to go have their coffee break together..) Ends up she told them to go withought her haha.. So she finally takes my blood and I'm staring at the wall or anywhere besides to my right (I have a great vein on my right arm lol) and I didn't want to see any of it or else I would most likely see stars and faint like I've done many times in the past.. as long as I don't look I'm okay. It felt like it took forever and my arm actually got numb.. this never happened before.. and every time she was taking the tube off to put a new one on I could feel the needle dig deeper and move around.. ugh I'm sure my face turned white at some point.. I could feel everything.. finally she was done and pulled out the needle and that part hurt the worst... I'm a bleeder so I had to sit there and hold the cotton ball... I ended up looking over to her desk because she was doing something but I wasn't sure what and I didn't know if I could go now.. I look over and see so many tubes of my blood.. I ended up asking her how many there was.. so she goes and starts counting ''2..4..6..8..10.. 11'' She says there's 11 and said I did really good that usually people complain when it's 2-3 tubes... that explains my arm going numb!! That's alot of blood to be taken when I had just fasted for over 12 hours... I eat a chocolate bar once I got to my car and went to Tim Hortons and got myself a medium half hot chocolate half coffee. I felt alot better after that ;)
Yay to that being done with.. I feel so good when I can start check marking things off my list :)
Now to get my Hysterosalpingogram procedure over with on Monday!
The Infertile Mrs.White
I got my blood work done at the hospital today... (February 22)
Took forever for the nurse to get all the papers and tubes and labels together. She kept having to check on her computer for witch tubes she needed and what process was needed for each, she also kept double checking them all and told me she wanted to make sure they were all there so I wouldn't have to get it done again.. I laughed and told her it's fine to take her time. In the mean time I did my urine sample and waited staring at a wall while she got ready. She had to go into the lab and get special tubes for my blood and was like ''Wow it's awesome that you have all the right forms and seperate paper work'' I guess other doctors offices and such rush and throw them all on the wrong sheets?! Who knows but I was glad to hear it, meant my doc was competent and knew what he was doing. (witch I already knew cause he must write those papers down daily lol). Nurse also mentioned something about one of my blood samples had to be divided and frozen or something so she said she wanted to make sure she got all the tubes in order.. She was a young nurse but I've got my blood taken from her before and she seems to know what she's doing. I could imagine it's not everyday people get tested what I needed to get done. Other nurses kept walking by laughing when they saw all the sheets I had and the nurse looking stuff up on the computer and her sheets. (I take it she was supposed to go on her break soon because 2 different nurses kept walking by to see if she was done yet to go have their coffee break together..) Ends up she told them to go withought her haha.. So she finally takes my blood and I'm staring at the wall or anywhere besides to my right (I have a great vein on my right arm lol) and I didn't want to see any of it or else I would most likely see stars and faint like I've done many times in the past.. as long as I don't look I'm okay. It felt like it took forever and my arm actually got numb.. this never happened before.. and every time she was taking the tube off to put a new one on I could feel the needle dig deeper and move around.. ugh I'm sure my face turned white at some point.. I could feel everything.. finally she was done and pulled out the needle and that part hurt the worst... I'm a bleeder so I had to sit there and hold the cotton ball... I ended up looking over to her desk because she was doing something but I wasn't sure what and I didn't know if I could go now.. I look over and see so many tubes of my blood.. I ended up asking her how many there was.. so she goes and starts counting ''2..4..6..8..10.. 11'' She says there's 11 and said I did really good that usually people complain when it's 2-3 tubes... that explains my arm going numb!! That's alot of blood to be taken when I had just fasted for over 12 hours... I eat a chocolate bar once I got to my car and went to Tim Hortons and got myself a medium half hot chocolate half coffee. I felt alot better after that ;)
Yay to that being done with.. I feel so good when I can start check marking things off my list :)
Now to get my Hysterosalpingogram procedure over with on Monday!
The Infertile Mrs.White
My 1st appointment @ the fertility clinic!
Here is my update on my first initial fertility clinic appointment!!
I gotta say I'm glad that's out of the way.
I'm a little late in posting.. (apt was February 21st) Mainly because I'm not sure how to start my post and I've been trying to avoid thinking about my infertility over the weekend and just relax, do some (lots) of crafts and try and stay calm. I've got so many things running threw my mind after the appointment that I needed a weekend to just forget about it all since I've been a stress ball for weeks leading up to this initial appointment. So here is the breakdown.
Our appointment was at 9:15 am. We live approximately 2 hours and 2 minutes away (says my GPS). Since we would be driving towards Edmonton right in traffic hour we decided to give ourselves some extra time to get there and not have to stress about the roads and being late. So.. I woke up at 5:15 am, showered and got ready, took my dog out and so on. I drove up since my husband was still half asleep in the car and I needed something to keep my mind busy. We left the house at 6:30 am. Turns out the roads were not ideal that day. It was incredibly foggy out and the roads were very slippery. On our way up, we saw 2 different cars turned on their sides all smashed up with caution take on them post accident. Then we saw a few cars abandoned in ditches. This did not help my stress levels. Luckily it wasn't snowing.. well it was snowing but barely enough to notice a different. Anyways.. We made it to Edmonton safely (fiouf!) and we both needed to use the washrooms so bad so we ended up stopping somewhere on the way. At this point we were so glad we gave ourselves some extra time to make it up there. The two pictures below were taken about 15 minutes from the hospital :) Kinda crappy ones since I was driving and took them stopped at a red light :)
Once we got to the hospital, we ended up driving around in circles because my Gps brought us to the approximate location of the hospital but of course not the actual building we needed to be in. There were many one ways and we had the map of the hospital in hand but for some reason we still ended up going around in circles around the huge hospital. Finally we found our parking lot and I'm glad to say we got the LAST spot in the lot, not even kidding.. cars were circling the lots looking for spots after we parked.. I was very thankful for that because with the bad roads and stopping on the way, we weren't left with alot of time to spare. Note, we both hate being late for appointments or even cutting it close.. we always feel the need to be at least 15 minutes early, especially since we figured we might have papers to sign or checking in might take a while. We made it with 10 minutes to spare (fiouf!!)
In the Fertility Clinic's Doc's office waiting for him.. after seeing a nurse who weighed us, measured our height and took our blood pressure. She also filled out a few papers for us to get some blood work done.. she said it was the standard test for new patients. Like they want to make sure we don't have hiv, aids and so on. Also she said I would need to get a Hysterosalpingogram (HSG) done to rule out my tubes being blocked. To be honest this is never something that had crossed my mind as being a problem before she mentioned it.. lets just say my mind automatically started analyzing all the what if's.
We didn't have to wait very long for the Doctor to arrive. Just long enough for my husband and I to talk about things the nurse had just said and asked us. Also just long enough for me to sneak in a picture ;) . The Doctor was old (white white hair and beard indicates age right?? LOL) and thin. (my personal observation). He introduced himself and started asking us a bunch of questions about our health history, past injuries, infections, meds we were on, herbal things we were taking and so on. I sometimes get overwhelmed with the questions and easily blank and forget answers I usually would know off by heart.. I really hate when this happens so I was so happy hubby was there to help out answering.. there were many questions and some I had to dig deep to remember. (wish they would give us a sheet with questions we could fill our for them prior to be prepared and not waste time answering them.. my own opinion..) Anyways.. we got threw all the questions.. but something he said stroke me as annoying.. I don't know if he was trying to be funny or something but he had asked me how often I consume alcohol, I blurt out 'once in a blue moon' (note I was trying to get threw all his questions quick because they stressed me out).. and so he looks at my husband and asked us if we actually knew how long a blue moon was. Naturally we laughed and said uh no. So I clarified my answer and said ruffly once a month if that. Then he proceeded in drawing pictures of moon's down on a paper he had in front of him and went on elaborating on the saying 'a blue moon'. I forget exactly how he described it as I was in 'awe' that he even felt the need to elaborate on that.. So the fallowing is a definition from Wikipedia witch was almost word for word what he said (weird!): http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Blue_moon
A blue moon is a second full moon in a single calendar month, which happens every two to three years. The rarity of this astronomical event derives from the length of the lunar cycle, 29.53 days,[1] so most months contain only one full moon. The usage of the term blue moon to describe it results from a misinterpretation of the traditional definition of that term in the March 1946 issue of Sky and Telescope.[2] Due to the rarity of a blue moon, the term "blue moon" is used colloquially to mean a rare event, as in the phrase "once in a blue moon".[3]
So.... after he was done grilling both of us with a list of questions he moved on to our blood work papers partially filled out by the nurse. According to our previous answers, he then started to check off a bunch more squares of things to check and also added a couple more papers to the mix. I ended up with 5 different blood work requisition forms and a urine sample to do as well. One of my sheets required I fast for 12 hours prior to getting the blood drawn so I had to wait till the next day to get it done so figured I would go and get it all done at once.
Picture above are my 5 sheets for blood work and the orange one is my procedure explanation sheet. The two on the laptop are hubby's blood work sheets. Took the pic when we got home when I was going over them and letting our apt soak in.
A little side note here for the curious ones... I have hypothyroidism and take a very low dose of synthroid so that's one of the things he wants to check my levels again... I also take progesterone day 1-10 of every month to give myself a period and to help regulate (without it I don't get a period) so he wanted to check my progesterone and testosterone levels as well as a bunch of other hormonal aspects that play along with pcos and hormonal imbalances. Also checking my blood sugar level so my glucose along with something else I can't understand on my form.. I also have protein C deficiency.. For some reason Doc said he thinks I have protein S deficiency and not C so then he wanted to get that checked as well.. Also a weird one he wanted to verify was my blood type... I have no idea why he felt the need to test this again, aren't we all supposed to know our blood type from birth?! (in case of major accident or surgery's gone wrong?!) I'm one of those rare people with O- so it was easy to remember. (My hubby is A+ or AB+ he forgets witch just knows hes def a '+' so that means when I do get pregnant I'd have to take that shot for the baby to survive.. This I knew from the start.. and was warned years ago. There were a bunch of other stuff he checked off but I have no idea what they mean and I forget what the Doc said it was for.. I trust it's all needed so I'm ok with it.
My husband got lucky and only has 2 papers for his blood work. (Note I absolutely HATE needles for the life of me but lately with my health issues I've grown a pair of nerves and learned to suck it up and just not look.. still hate them tho!) My husband had recently (3ish weeks ago) went to the hospital to give his sperm sample since we figured it was definitely something they would need and so we wanted to have his results handy witch I did. I gave the nurse the paper who made a copy for their files.. only when the doc came in, he said he wanted my hubby to do the test again because apparently they do more elaborate tests at the clinic and so after our appointment hubby went and did his business in a cup.. again. At least he was able to do that right away and get it out of the way. Doc went over hubby's results with him anyways and discussed what they meant when dealing with me who has pcos. (talked about his morphology rate and so on) His sperm is normal, just not perfect so they want to test again and test deeper or something.
Despite all the test we now have to do, I was very happy with how thorough he was and getting all this blood work from both of us is a really good sign and it will help us get better answers as to what strategy to take next to attack our infertility problem. Towards the end of the appointment, the doc decided to book my HSG procedure asap since I had just finished my cycle on the 18th and he said it needs to be done right after a cycle and before ovulation occurs so it turns out Monday (tomorrow) I am going in at 11:00 am to get it done. I was very lucky to be able to get squeezed in. He said he was only available Monday or Tuesday as those were the 2 days he was performing the procedure so I jumped on that chance to get that over with as well. He gave us a Patient Fact Sheet with a huge detailed description of what the procedure is. This was helpful in feeling prepared for tomorrow :) . He also told me to book a fallow up appointment with the front desk right away as there was a bit of a wait. Turns out my fallow up apt is April 8th :S Kinda too far away for my taste but once again I will take what I can. He also mentioned that since we live far away, for the fallow up appointments I would be able to do them locally. I just have to book an apt with Tele-Health and I'd be able to do my apt threw a computer (I guess kinda like skype but professional :)) This is awesome news as it takes stress from driving there just for a 2 minute apt and also saves me lotsa money and means I don't have to book work off every single time!! Yay for technology!!
Overall, Doctor was helpful, kind and I guess you could say made us laugh a few times. He did not at all make us feel rushed, in fact he really took his time and looked at ease and got comfortable in his office instead of checking his watch and the door.
With the first appointment behind me now, I'm starting to feel hopeful again and this is such a great feeling. After the appointment tomorrow I will feel even better because I will have an answer as to if my tubes are blocked or not.. (keeping fingers crossed) deep inside I believe that my tubes are fine so I'll just keep holding on to that thought till I get a definite answer :) Trying to keep positive.
Afterwards, since we had driven all the way to Edmonton and took the day off work, we decided to go to the Edmonton Mall for a bit and check it out.... Here are a couple pics of our day :)
Me in front of a real full size boat inside the mall!
Please note I look like crap.. I was running on 2 hours sleep and feeling not myself.
Relaxing & enjoying my Starbucks Vanilla Latte while watching kids skate!
I had a really bad headache here from stress, being tired and so on..
Kids skating on the rink inside the mall.. So cute to watch.
Another neat area in the mall... view from the 2nd floor.
Hubby and I on our way home.. Exhausted & RELEAVED our day is over!!!
Haha.. gotta love my fake smile.. I had a really bad headache at this point.. couldn't
wait to get home into my pj's and just relax and watch a movie on Netflix :-)
Weather on our way home.. Cloudy but roads ALOT better..
that's why we wasted time in the mall.. waiting for the roads to get better..
Took this shot while on the highway.. about halfway home from Edmonton.
The Infertile Mrs.White
Thursday, February 21, 2013
tomorrow!!
Okay.. so my first appointment with the fertility clinic is finally tomorrow! OMG am I nervous!! It's at 9:15am and it's 2 hours away from my house with no traffic. Since we would be driving up smack in the middle of traffic time we are going to leave 2 hours and 45ish minutes earlier.. figured it would give us time to find good parking and make our way threw the downtown with less stress. It is presently 1:23am.. what am I not doing in bed yet you ask.. good question!! To be honest I didn't even see the time go by. Haha, my husband just looked up my doc on "rateyourdoctor.com'' (or wtv the site is called) and he's rated 4.3 our of 5. Apparently the people that rated lower was because he tells people they should know when to stop trying and obviously this hurts to hear. Also.. apparently you see the nurses all the time and barely actually see the Doctor himself. Personally this I don't mind for the moment... I need to build comfort first thing when I get there and being surrounded by female nurses will do that.. instead of an intimidating male Doctor who will probably most likely seem like he's in a rush to get to his next client.. but who knows.
Wish me luck!
I will report back tomorrow :)
Sleep time xo
The Infertile Mrs.White
Wish me luck!
I will report back tomorrow :)
Sleep time xo
The Infertile Mrs.White
Monday, February 18, 2013
My Story... how I got here..
Where to start..
So much has happened in my life in the past year and a half, everything seemed to be happening all at the same time. First I planed my entire wedding by myself with the help of my mother in law (she's pretty awesome). My fiance and I were long distance so planning the wedding was extra complicated and rested on my shoulders. I lived in Ottawa and he lived a couple hours away by car. We were engaged for 106 days, this is the way we wanted it. We didn't want to wait a year to get married, we wanted a small but meaningful wedding with close friends and family only. We got married on January 21st 2012. My husbands father married us in his church. I was extremely sick on our wedding day (really sore scratchy and swollen throat, achy body, headache, exhausted, hot-cold flashes you name it). Did I mention I had almost completely lost my voice!!! Worst thing to happen on a wedding day I tell you. I tried reading my vows and I sounded like a mouse in the microphone. I kept having to clear my throat and it hurt so much to try and talk. Really embarrassing! Being the bride you really need your voice, I had everyone come up to me with questions about this and that (since I planned everything, everyone had to come to me for last minute things). This was really nerve raking and so I was forced to talk talk talk before walking down the aisle witch made it alot worst.
Oh did I mention I was on clomid during my wedding too!! :O I know eh probably not the smartest thing.. I think I was 4 days post my last clomid pill. (not to mention when I take clomid I get all possible symptoms attached to it). Looking back now I wish we would have chosen to wait till the month after. Back then I was sooo naive, thinking clomid was the cure pill, that we would magically conceive on our wedding night. I remember the night before my wedding, in the hotel room with my bridesmaid and maid of honor, I was sitting on the bed crouched over in so much pain, my ovaries felt like they were on fire and about to explode. A little side note here, I have PCOS and both my ovaries are highly enlarged and have dozens of cyst in them if not more. So imagine what they look like when on clomid.. OUCH! I hadn't told anyone I was on clomid because no one really knew about my infertility and we were trying to keep it on the down low, try out the clomid and go from there. The fact that I was already extremely sick (prob from stress and such) clomid really didn't help at all. I thought I'd be all emotional and always in tears because of the clomid (makes me so emotional) but for some reason, days leading up to the wedding day and on that day I was so composed and not emotional. Maybe because I had put so much hard work into the wedding and everything leading up to it that I was drained, tired and wanted to get it over with. I just wanted to marry my best friend and have the day go by (I was so sick, standing up made me dizzy).
After the wedding, we did not have a honeymoon. My husband had been chosen to participate in a really serious program to become a prison guard. He had wanted this job for years and had been called to do the training months and months ago but at the time he wasn't at the right place in his life and kept turning them down. Finally this time around he jumped right on that opportunity because if he did well, he would get a secure job, a good pension and excellent benefits attached to it and that became really important to us. He had already started the online part of the program. This took up all of his time and energy. They are so strict, he could not fail any of his test of else he was out of the running. He studied like crazy and read and re-read his online information. I tried to involve him in the wedding planning as much as possible but he had no time to spare and I didn't want to make him feel guilty so I just took charge everything wedding. He was okay with this because he didn't really have a choice. He wanted this job so bad that he could not afford to fail (fail himself or us, because this was going to be a new beginning for us.) He rushed and got all the online part done a day and a half before the wedding. Then he had to start Part 2 of the course 2 days after our wedding. UGH! Part 2 was the 'in class' part and this was 45 minutes away from home. The program offered him a room to stay in on campus I guess you can call it for the length of the training. Originaly he was going to make the drive daily but when he received his information binder he realized it would be too hard on him to make the drive daily as there were so many ways to get 'strikes'. On your 3rd strike your kicked out. A strike can be as simple as being late to a class. So he took the room. I had moved into his parents place 3 days before the wedding in order to be closer to my husband. I also started a new job at a call center, it was the only job I could get quick because their always hiring and I needed money to keep coming in. A week after the wedding I had quit my job back in Ottawa because I was moving to be with my husband. Oddly enough I ended up moving there and he moved 45 minutes away heh. That in class/ physical part of his training was 7-8 weeks. During this time I worked to keep busy and grew even closer to his family since I lived there without him. I have to admit this was a nice time. It was nice to get away and also to get to know them even better. 4 weeks or so into his in class training, they announced to his class that they everyone who makes it past all the tests and stuff would be sent away! (by away I mean sent to another province). We had to hand in our top 2 choices out of 4 and they would send him where he was needed. This stressed us out. We had no idea they would be sent out. Turns out we were sent to Alberta. So we ended up moving from Ontario to Alberta Canada. HUGE scary change for us but this was exciting all at the same time. Newly married starting our life together away from everyone we knew and everything that made us who we were.
Here we are, 11 months later!!! We moved out here the last couple days of March 2012. It was a 4 day road trip down. Changing provinces meant alot of money changing all our cards over, the car, insurances and so on. That was my least favorite thing. All we have out here is each other. It's a good thing we are best friends haha. We really do complete each other and remind each other daily about how happy we are and lucky to have found each other. haha. Guess you could say we are in our newlywed stage haha. (but really, we're just that typa lovy dovy couple haha)
Changing provinces also meant changing family doctors, getting a new gyno, new specialist and so on. In Ontario, my gyno had prescribed me 6 repetitions of clomid 50mg. I was never monitored while on clomid either. Not sure why she even prescribed me that many repetitions in the first place.. don't gyno's usually monitor you threw clomid and up your dosage if it's not working?! Well now I was out here, with no doctors or gyno but 4 reps left to use up. (I did one cycle of clomid 2 months before the weeding with neg results and did 2nd round wedding week with neg results). We moved out here end of March.. April we used to settle in, get all new furniture and get used to our surrounding and I was actively looking for a new job sending resumes everywhere! By May, we decided to try our 3rd cycle of clomid. Kept our fingers crossed and thought to ourselves.. ''3rd times a charm no?''. Well that cycle ended in a BFN! (big fat negative!) I had really bad clomid side effects on this round too. Ovaries feeling on fire, I could tell exactly where they were in my body, they were so swollen, I had trouble sitting upright because it put too much pressure on my ovaries it was really not fun, also had trouble sleeping at night, they felt like they were pulsating and about to explode. Good thing I wasn't working at this time. I went threw this cycle un-monitored.. so I have no idea if I actually did ovulate and I had no information to tell me what went right and what went wrong. This is the part I hate about no longer having a gyno ughh!! After seeing my BFN I really wanted answers and I was tired of doing this on my own with NO results..
So.. with 3 clomid cycles under my belt, I decided to talk to my new family doctor. We live in a very small town and I was limited in the doctors I could choose from. My doctor is a young male and I always feel like he's so powerless. I have all these questions for him and all this information to give so I can get feedback and he just sits there with a blank look on his face. I think I overwhelm him, he is probably not used to dealing with woman issues and not problems he can just slam a band-aid (prescribe meds) for. Personally I find him a very incompetent doctor. A young doctor with alot still to learn and instead of telling me he will look into it to get more concrete and valuable information to relay to me, he just looks at me and actually says ''I really don't know what to say to you''. You should have seen my face haha.. I must have had fume coming out of my ears! Worst thing a doctor can tell you! He didn't even seem willing to try and help me and I mean my questions were pretty simple. I have hypothyroidism (my thyroid is slower then average), I keep asking my doctor what to do about this because I'm always tired, I lack energy and motivation, I feel lazy, depressed, just generally I felt like shit all the time and I wanted to get out of this rut. My weight also ALWAYS yo-yo's. I'm so sick of working my butt off at the gym with no results and trying to eat healthy with no changes on the scale. I knew my thyroid was slow because in Ontario I had gotten a few blood tests done but my doctor at the time never wanted to put me on meds for hypothyroidism because she said once your on it, usually its for life and she wanted me to get my blood work done every 6 or so months to keep an eye on it and go from there. (she kept saying i'm borderline so she rather not put me on meds yet). Well now I was tired of waiting around for answers and to get better. So I told my doctor to fix me, to help me help myself. I kept asking how what can I do to get better if you can't help me. He always had such a confused look on his face. His only answers were that my blood results made no sense to him. With the thyroid, they check our T3 and T4 levels and well apparently my results confused him. I always seem to leave his office furious with no answers and feeling worst then before I went in. I did alot of research about Pcos and hypothyroidism and how they can be linked and this increases the hypothyroidism and that the numbers docs see from my blood test is irrelevent because with pcos and my other health issues it makes thyroid worst.. I'm sorry, I'm really bad at explaining this part because I don't know the terms and this is from hear say. (so don't quote me on that). 2 weeks later I made a new apt with my family doc and went to see him and said I'm not leaving your office this time till I get answers. He ended up prescribing me the lowest dose possible for synthroid. FINALLY something.. it was a start. I was to see him in a month so he could ask me if there is any change in the way I was feeling. To be honest the dosage was so low I doubt it really did a dent.. I told him I still feel the way I did before (because I did) and he said to give it longer to take effect. He never seems to come up with good answers but this did not surprise me. He then prescribed me 100 tablets. So this means in 3 weeks or less I need to go see him for a refill.. and hopefully he makes me take a blood test first so we can see if my T3 and T4 levels have changed.
Oh yes.. also in May, I asked my doctor to refer me to a gyno. He did not seem to take me serious when I told him I had pcos and I need to be fallowed by a gyno. (I get weird pains randomly in my ovaries, possibly cyst detaching.. but I'd like to be fallowed by a professional who knows what their doing). Doc said it would take anywhere from a month to 3 months to get an initial appointment with a gyno. I was to wait for a call from the gyno office with my appointment date. (I waited a whole month before getting a call, I wasn't too happy) To my surprise, when I got the call (in June) my appointment was for September 13 2013.. this meant in 15 months from that day. Yes, you read well, FIFTEEN MONTHS AWAY for my initial consultation appointment!! RIDICULOUS EH!!!! At first I told the lady oh okay in 3 months, I can wait 3 months.. then she laughed and corrected me, she was like no Mrs White, not 2012 but 2013!!! I was in shock I was so pissed off beyond words.. Lets just say my temperature rose couple degrees and so did my voice. I told the lady i HAD to see a gyno before then, that this was very important, explained about my infertility and needing to be fallowed because of pcos. She didn't care. Convo ended there. I ended up cooling off then i called them back and asked what I could do, who I can call to move up the apt. I ended up putting my name on the cancellation list. (this list is ridiculously long!). I called the receptionist at my family doctors office almost in tears saying help me!! So finally they said they would send my requisition to the Woman's fertility and endocrine clinic in Edmonton.. (this is a 2 hour drive one way with no traffic from my house) At this point I didn't care, I would drive 5 hours if it meant help! Well I ended up waiting another month with NO calls again. I felt so powerless here, like there was absolutely nothing I could do and no one was willing to help me. I felt so incredibly alone. I researched and researched symptoms I was feeling while on clomid and hoped they were all normal ones. I looked up blogs about pcos and clomid, I read pcos & your infertility books, I started going to the gym and training hard to loose weird and gain more muscles, I tried out a no-sugar diet, that was so tuff but I did it, I wanted to try and be in a better health place when I did finally get my appointment.
The month of June I charted my cycle to see where I was at with no clomid and to see if I would ovulate the month after using clomid. My OPK's (Ovulation predictor kit) looks like I may have ovulated on day 23 of my cycle but the line was bright but definitely not brighter then the control line so I think I might not have ovulated at all. They can be so tricky to read sometimes.
In November, we tried our 4th clomid cycle. The OPK's showed that I definitely ovulated 15 days into my cycle. The test line got alot darker then the control line. We were so hopeful this time around. It's stupid to say but we actually felt pregnant this cycle. The test line stayed really dark on the opk for two days! We did everything right.. had sex timed perfectly and raised my butt in the air for 45 minutes after each time! (desperate times means desperate measures lol). When I kept getting a BFN test we were devastated. At this point we were REALLY loosing hope. We started getting grumpy, sex became a chore and not sexy and fun anymore. Clomid put me threw so much pain that sex was never appealing. It hurt to have intercourse but we had to still have it timed. He knew I wasn't into it, so he wasn't able to get into it and it was a vicious circle. Lets just say that our infertility really started taking a toll on our relationship. Living out here on my own I didn't have friends to talk to about what we were going threw and truthfully I didn't know how to talk to them about it and I guess I didn't want to hear what anyone had to say. I was so tired of hearing 'it will happen when it happens', 'keep trying', 'maybe its not the right time', and blah blah so on. I didn't want any positive encouragement because I felt hopeless and useless as a wife at this point. My husband wants kids more then anything and he will be such an amazing father. I want to give our family's grandkids and many of them and I feel so useless!!!! How can something so easy for some be so difficult and EXPENSIVE for others!!! :(
In December, we decided to try clomid for the 5th time, still at 50mg. (since we didn't have a choice). We figured 2 clomid cycles back to back might up our chances. It seems I ovulated 15 days into my cycle again. This made us so hopeful because with clomid it seemed that I was becoming regular at ovulating around the same cycle days. Once again, we timed everything perfectly. This time around we did it with alot less stress. Since our little breakdown last month, we sat down and really talked about how each of us were feeling threw the infertility, how it made us feel, how we made each other feel and we really talked it threw. We gave each other pointers and gave each other advice on what to say and what not to say when we're feeling a certain way. I had to tell him that I feel like shit, I'm always in pain and I was tired of all his overly positive thinking. I made him put himself in my shoes and this he did. Once we both put everything out on the table we both felt so much better and we said we would start new.. with a new mentality and do this more as a team always being considerate of the other. Wow did this take weight off my shoulder and this cycle of clomid went really well for us. We still got a BFN in the end. This made us so sad. Once again we were so hopefull!! We read about so many stories of people getting pregnant on the second month of back to back clomid. I have to admit I felt pregnant here too. I don't know if it's because I had read up so much about everything that my mind was playing trick on me.. but I felt pregnant. My breast were so incredibly sore. I tested 2 days before Christmas day. BFN. We kept imagining scenarios of how to tell our families we were pregnant and how perfect it would be around Christmas time. Our dreams shut down once again and I just felt stupid for thinking that it might have been our time.
In December, I made another family doctors appointment to ask him where we were with trying to find me a gyno or a fertility clinic. He looked so confused. When I told him my appointment date he couldn't believe it either and then went into his speech about how this is Alberta and how it's growing really fast but with not enough people to fill all the jobs needed for a growing population blah blah blah. I told him I didn't care, that something had to be done, that I was sure there was someone he could call (connections, an I o u, anything). He laughed a little at how desperate I was but he did pull out his cell phone and made a few calls. My main thing was I wanted to up my clomid dosage. 3 times had failed and I wanted to up the dose but he kept saying only a gyno can prescribe me that and I argued him how can they if my apt is in over a year! Finally he called a gyno who was on call to ask if a gyno could prescribe it over the phone (what an idiot!) turns out the gyno was busy in the operating room and couldn't take his call anyways. He kept trying to fight me, he was saying how I don't have a problem since I have my period every month, he was like well that means your ovulating each month. I looked at him like he was retarded and told him I take progesterone pill day 1-10 of each month to give me a period or else I could go months, even a year withought a natural period. He looked at me in shock and said okay leave this in my hands I'll do something for you. Man do I ever hate him as a doctor grrr just thinking of him I get mad!
Anyways, I don't know who he called or what strings he pulled but not even a week later I got a call from a gyno office (next town over so it's close by yay!) for an appointment on march 25th!!! YAY! That meant 3 months away! Man was I ever happy!! Then 2 days later, I get a call from the Women's Fertility and Endocrine Clinic for an appointment for February 21st!! OMG you should have seen my face hahaha!! I thought I was dreaming.!! This meant 2 months away!! This was amazing news to us!!
Now today is February 18th, appointment is 3 days away and I'm so incredibly nervous!!! (I did keep the gyno apt as well and I will tell fertility clinic about that apt and see if they want me to be monitored by them as well or what to do about that since the gyno office is WAY closer to my house). I have to admit the past 2 weeks I've been taking Melatonin every night to help me fall asleep. I'm a nervous wreck!! I have no idea what to expect and I absolutely HATE being naked infront of doctors. I feel observed and judged. It's ridiculous I know since they see how many naked bodies a day.. my fertility doctor will be a male. Apparently he is well recommended and was rated a 5 stars on 'Rate my Doctor.com' haha. He sounds like the magic doctor who cures you and makes you pregnant in no time! Keeping fingers crossed for our case :)
Oh also this month, (January) I charted my ovulation to see if I would ovulate this month with no clomid.. and I did not ovulate, not even close :( . Just glad I have my charts to bring in with me to show the doc.
I forgot to mention my husband got his sperm checked couple weeks ago and its perfect.. actually it's more then perfect! Haha yay super sperms hahaha.. For his seminal fluid volume he scored 3.5 when the average is >1.9 mL. WOW EH! This made us laugh and it explained alot haha. For his total sperm count he had 99.4 and the average is >39.9 M. (no word of a lie!!) Wowser eh! Go hubby go! For the Concentration seminal fluid he got 28.4 and average is >19.9 M/mL. Only thing he has to watch for now is the seminal morphology, he scored 0.20 and the average/normal is 0.30-1.00. Doc did say there was an easy quick fix solution for this. Hubby has to air out his balls. (LoL). He has to wear tight boxers with a pouch for his sac. Weird I know, didn't even know those existed. We looked online to try and find where sells them and hubby said they were like 40$ a pair! That's just nuts. So we are trying to find other ways to cool them off. Morphology means sperm that are handicapped.. so either they have no tail, their not full grown and just morphed I guess.. so in other words useless sperm.. Doc said tho that because he had such a high volume of semen and such a high number of sperm count that the morphology shouldn't be an issue but that of course to give ourselves every possible change of getting pregnant it is an issue we will have to solve but it's very doable and this took so much pressure off.. to know I was the only problem and we only had to fix one of us lol.
I do feel like a really horrible wife tho, like I should be able to give my husband a large family like he deserves. I really hope to get pregnant soon and get answers in 3 days.
So there you have it.. my story. I am sure I will have alot more to share after my appointment. I have many other health issues that will play parts into reasons why it's harder to get pregnant but I'll mention those when I get more information after my initial fertility clinic appointment.
If you actually read all of this post, I thank you for finding interest in me. If you have any suggestions, advice or comments for me, please feel free to share. If you'd like to contact me threw email so it's more private you can contact me at: nadine.white.me@gmail.com
With Love,
The Impatient, Nervous and Scared Infertile Mrs.White
Oh did I mention I was on clomid during my wedding too!! :O I know eh probably not the smartest thing.. I think I was 4 days post my last clomid pill. (not to mention when I take clomid I get all possible symptoms attached to it). Looking back now I wish we would have chosen to wait till the month after. Back then I was sooo naive, thinking clomid was the cure pill, that we would magically conceive on our wedding night. I remember the night before my wedding, in the hotel room with my bridesmaid and maid of honor, I was sitting on the bed crouched over in so much pain, my ovaries felt like they were on fire and about to explode. A little side note here, I have PCOS and both my ovaries are highly enlarged and have dozens of cyst in them if not more. So imagine what they look like when on clomid.. OUCH! I hadn't told anyone I was on clomid because no one really knew about my infertility and we were trying to keep it on the down low, try out the clomid and go from there. The fact that I was already extremely sick (prob from stress and such) clomid really didn't help at all. I thought I'd be all emotional and always in tears because of the clomid (makes me so emotional) but for some reason, days leading up to the wedding day and on that day I was so composed and not emotional. Maybe because I had put so much hard work into the wedding and everything leading up to it that I was drained, tired and wanted to get it over with. I just wanted to marry my best friend and have the day go by (I was so sick, standing up made me dizzy).
After the wedding, we did not have a honeymoon. My husband had been chosen to participate in a really serious program to become a prison guard. He had wanted this job for years and had been called to do the training months and months ago but at the time he wasn't at the right place in his life and kept turning them down. Finally this time around he jumped right on that opportunity because if he did well, he would get a secure job, a good pension and excellent benefits attached to it and that became really important to us. He had already started the online part of the program. This took up all of his time and energy. They are so strict, he could not fail any of his test of else he was out of the running. He studied like crazy and read and re-read his online information. I tried to involve him in the wedding planning as much as possible but he had no time to spare and I didn't want to make him feel guilty so I just took charge everything wedding. He was okay with this because he didn't really have a choice. He wanted this job so bad that he could not afford to fail (fail himself or us, because this was going to be a new beginning for us.) He rushed and got all the online part done a day and a half before the wedding. Then he had to start Part 2 of the course 2 days after our wedding. UGH! Part 2 was the 'in class' part and this was 45 minutes away from home. The program offered him a room to stay in on campus I guess you can call it for the length of the training. Originaly he was going to make the drive daily but when he received his information binder he realized it would be too hard on him to make the drive daily as there were so many ways to get 'strikes'. On your 3rd strike your kicked out. A strike can be as simple as being late to a class. So he took the room. I had moved into his parents place 3 days before the wedding in order to be closer to my husband. I also started a new job at a call center, it was the only job I could get quick because their always hiring and I needed money to keep coming in. A week after the wedding I had quit my job back in Ottawa because I was moving to be with my husband. Oddly enough I ended up moving there and he moved 45 minutes away heh. That in class/ physical part of his training was 7-8 weeks. During this time I worked to keep busy and grew even closer to his family since I lived there without him. I have to admit this was a nice time. It was nice to get away and also to get to know them even better. 4 weeks or so into his in class training, they announced to his class that they everyone who makes it past all the tests and stuff would be sent away! (by away I mean sent to another province). We had to hand in our top 2 choices out of 4 and they would send him where he was needed. This stressed us out. We had no idea they would be sent out. Turns out we were sent to Alberta. So we ended up moving from Ontario to Alberta Canada. HUGE scary change for us but this was exciting all at the same time. Newly married starting our life together away from everyone we knew and everything that made us who we were.
Here we are, 11 months later!!! We moved out here the last couple days of March 2012. It was a 4 day road trip down. Changing provinces meant alot of money changing all our cards over, the car, insurances and so on. That was my least favorite thing. All we have out here is each other. It's a good thing we are best friends haha. We really do complete each other and remind each other daily about how happy we are and lucky to have found each other. haha. Guess you could say we are in our newlywed stage haha. (but really, we're just that typa lovy dovy couple haha)
Changing provinces also meant changing family doctors, getting a new gyno, new specialist and so on. In Ontario, my gyno had prescribed me 6 repetitions of clomid 50mg. I was never monitored while on clomid either. Not sure why she even prescribed me that many repetitions in the first place.. don't gyno's usually monitor you threw clomid and up your dosage if it's not working?! Well now I was out here, with no doctors or gyno but 4 reps left to use up. (I did one cycle of clomid 2 months before the weeding with neg results and did 2nd round wedding week with neg results). We moved out here end of March.. April we used to settle in, get all new furniture and get used to our surrounding and I was actively looking for a new job sending resumes everywhere! By May, we decided to try our 3rd cycle of clomid. Kept our fingers crossed and thought to ourselves.. ''3rd times a charm no?''. Well that cycle ended in a BFN! (big fat negative!) I had really bad clomid side effects on this round too. Ovaries feeling on fire, I could tell exactly where they were in my body, they were so swollen, I had trouble sitting upright because it put too much pressure on my ovaries it was really not fun, also had trouble sleeping at night, they felt like they were pulsating and about to explode. Good thing I wasn't working at this time. I went threw this cycle un-monitored.. so I have no idea if I actually did ovulate and I had no information to tell me what went right and what went wrong. This is the part I hate about no longer having a gyno ughh!! After seeing my BFN I really wanted answers and I was tired of doing this on my own with NO results..
So.. with 3 clomid cycles under my belt, I decided to talk to my new family doctor. We live in a very small town and I was limited in the doctors I could choose from. My doctor is a young male and I always feel like he's so powerless. I have all these questions for him and all this information to give so I can get feedback and he just sits there with a blank look on his face. I think I overwhelm him, he is probably not used to dealing with woman issues and not problems he can just slam a band-aid (prescribe meds) for. Personally I find him a very incompetent doctor. A young doctor with alot still to learn and instead of telling me he will look into it to get more concrete and valuable information to relay to me, he just looks at me and actually says ''I really don't know what to say to you''. You should have seen my face haha.. I must have had fume coming out of my ears! Worst thing a doctor can tell you! He didn't even seem willing to try and help me and I mean my questions were pretty simple. I have hypothyroidism (my thyroid is slower then average), I keep asking my doctor what to do about this because I'm always tired, I lack energy and motivation, I feel lazy, depressed, just generally I felt like shit all the time and I wanted to get out of this rut. My weight also ALWAYS yo-yo's. I'm so sick of working my butt off at the gym with no results and trying to eat healthy with no changes on the scale. I knew my thyroid was slow because in Ontario I had gotten a few blood tests done but my doctor at the time never wanted to put me on meds for hypothyroidism because she said once your on it, usually its for life and she wanted me to get my blood work done every 6 or so months to keep an eye on it and go from there. (she kept saying i'm borderline so she rather not put me on meds yet). Well now I was tired of waiting around for answers and to get better. So I told my doctor to fix me, to help me help myself. I kept asking how what can I do to get better if you can't help me. He always had such a confused look on his face. His only answers were that my blood results made no sense to him. With the thyroid, they check our T3 and T4 levels and well apparently my results confused him. I always seem to leave his office furious with no answers and feeling worst then before I went in. I did alot of research about Pcos and hypothyroidism and how they can be linked and this increases the hypothyroidism and that the numbers docs see from my blood test is irrelevent because with pcos and my other health issues it makes thyroid worst.. I'm sorry, I'm really bad at explaining this part because I don't know the terms and this is from hear say. (so don't quote me on that). 2 weeks later I made a new apt with my family doc and went to see him and said I'm not leaving your office this time till I get answers. He ended up prescribing me the lowest dose possible for synthroid. FINALLY something.. it was a start. I was to see him in a month so he could ask me if there is any change in the way I was feeling. To be honest the dosage was so low I doubt it really did a dent.. I told him I still feel the way I did before (because I did) and he said to give it longer to take effect. He never seems to come up with good answers but this did not surprise me. He then prescribed me 100 tablets. So this means in 3 weeks or less I need to go see him for a refill.. and hopefully he makes me take a blood test first so we can see if my T3 and T4 levels have changed.
Oh yes.. also in May, I asked my doctor to refer me to a gyno. He did not seem to take me serious when I told him I had pcos and I need to be fallowed by a gyno. (I get weird pains randomly in my ovaries, possibly cyst detaching.. but I'd like to be fallowed by a professional who knows what their doing). Doc said it would take anywhere from a month to 3 months to get an initial appointment with a gyno. I was to wait for a call from the gyno office with my appointment date. (I waited a whole month before getting a call, I wasn't too happy) To my surprise, when I got the call (in June) my appointment was for September 13 2013.. this meant in 15 months from that day. Yes, you read well, FIFTEEN MONTHS AWAY for my initial consultation appointment!! RIDICULOUS EH!!!! At first I told the lady oh okay in 3 months, I can wait 3 months.. then she laughed and corrected me, she was like no Mrs White, not 2012 but 2013!!! I was in shock I was so pissed off beyond words.. Lets just say my temperature rose couple degrees and so did my voice. I told the lady i HAD to see a gyno before then, that this was very important, explained about my infertility and needing to be fallowed because of pcos. She didn't care. Convo ended there. I ended up cooling off then i called them back and asked what I could do, who I can call to move up the apt. I ended up putting my name on the cancellation list. (this list is ridiculously long!). I called the receptionist at my family doctors office almost in tears saying help me!! So finally they said they would send my requisition to the Woman's fertility and endocrine clinic in Edmonton.. (this is a 2 hour drive one way with no traffic from my house) At this point I didn't care, I would drive 5 hours if it meant help! Well I ended up waiting another month with NO calls again. I felt so powerless here, like there was absolutely nothing I could do and no one was willing to help me. I felt so incredibly alone. I researched and researched symptoms I was feeling while on clomid and hoped they were all normal ones. I looked up blogs about pcos and clomid, I read pcos & your infertility books, I started going to the gym and training hard to loose weird and gain more muscles, I tried out a no-sugar diet, that was so tuff but I did it, I wanted to try and be in a better health place when I did finally get my appointment.
The month of June I charted my cycle to see where I was at with no clomid and to see if I would ovulate the month after using clomid. My OPK's (Ovulation predictor kit) looks like I may have ovulated on day 23 of my cycle but the line was bright but definitely not brighter then the control line so I think I might not have ovulated at all. They can be so tricky to read sometimes.
In November, we tried our 4th clomid cycle. The OPK's showed that I definitely ovulated 15 days into my cycle. The test line got alot darker then the control line. We were so hopeful this time around. It's stupid to say but we actually felt pregnant this cycle. The test line stayed really dark on the opk for two days! We did everything right.. had sex timed perfectly and raised my butt in the air for 45 minutes after each time! (desperate times means desperate measures lol). When I kept getting a BFN test we were devastated. At this point we were REALLY loosing hope. We started getting grumpy, sex became a chore and not sexy and fun anymore. Clomid put me threw so much pain that sex was never appealing. It hurt to have intercourse but we had to still have it timed. He knew I wasn't into it, so he wasn't able to get into it and it was a vicious circle. Lets just say that our infertility really started taking a toll on our relationship. Living out here on my own I didn't have friends to talk to about what we were going threw and truthfully I didn't know how to talk to them about it and I guess I didn't want to hear what anyone had to say. I was so tired of hearing 'it will happen when it happens', 'keep trying', 'maybe its not the right time', and blah blah so on. I didn't want any positive encouragement because I felt hopeless and useless as a wife at this point. My husband wants kids more then anything and he will be such an amazing father. I want to give our family's grandkids and many of them and I feel so useless!!!! How can something so easy for some be so difficult and EXPENSIVE for others!!! :(
In December, we decided to try clomid for the 5th time, still at 50mg. (since we didn't have a choice). We figured 2 clomid cycles back to back might up our chances. It seems I ovulated 15 days into my cycle again. This made us so hopeful because with clomid it seemed that I was becoming regular at ovulating around the same cycle days. Once again, we timed everything perfectly. This time around we did it with alot less stress. Since our little breakdown last month, we sat down and really talked about how each of us were feeling threw the infertility, how it made us feel, how we made each other feel and we really talked it threw. We gave each other pointers and gave each other advice on what to say and what not to say when we're feeling a certain way. I had to tell him that I feel like shit, I'm always in pain and I was tired of all his overly positive thinking. I made him put himself in my shoes and this he did. Once we both put everything out on the table we both felt so much better and we said we would start new.. with a new mentality and do this more as a team always being considerate of the other. Wow did this take weight off my shoulder and this cycle of clomid went really well for us. We still got a BFN in the end. This made us so sad. Once again we were so hopefull!! We read about so many stories of people getting pregnant on the second month of back to back clomid. I have to admit I felt pregnant here too. I don't know if it's because I had read up so much about everything that my mind was playing trick on me.. but I felt pregnant. My breast were so incredibly sore. I tested 2 days before Christmas day. BFN. We kept imagining scenarios of how to tell our families we were pregnant and how perfect it would be around Christmas time. Our dreams shut down once again and I just felt stupid for thinking that it might have been our time.
In December, I made another family doctors appointment to ask him where we were with trying to find me a gyno or a fertility clinic. He looked so confused. When I told him my appointment date he couldn't believe it either and then went into his speech about how this is Alberta and how it's growing really fast but with not enough people to fill all the jobs needed for a growing population blah blah blah. I told him I didn't care, that something had to be done, that I was sure there was someone he could call (connections, an I o u, anything). He laughed a little at how desperate I was but he did pull out his cell phone and made a few calls. My main thing was I wanted to up my clomid dosage. 3 times had failed and I wanted to up the dose but he kept saying only a gyno can prescribe me that and I argued him how can they if my apt is in over a year! Finally he called a gyno who was on call to ask if a gyno could prescribe it over the phone (what an idiot!) turns out the gyno was busy in the operating room and couldn't take his call anyways. He kept trying to fight me, he was saying how I don't have a problem since I have my period every month, he was like well that means your ovulating each month. I looked at him like he was retarded and told him I take progesterone pill day 1-10 of each month to give me a period or else I could go months, even a year withought a natural period. He looked at me in shock and said okay leave this in my hands I'll do something for you. Man do I ever hate him as a doctor grrr just thinking of him I get mad!
Anyways, I don't know who he called or what strings he pulled but not even a week later I got a call from a gyno office (next town over so it's close by yay!) for an appointment on march 25th!!! YAY! That meant 3 months away! Man was I ever happy!! Then 2 days later, I get a call from the Women's Fertility and Endocrine Clinic for an appointment for February 21st!! OMG you should have seen my face hahaha!! I thought I was dreaming.!! This meant 2 months away!! This was amazing news to us!!
Now today is February 18th, appointment is 3 days away and I'm so incredibly nervous!!! (I did keep the gyno apt as well and I will tell fertility clinic about that apt and see if they want me to be monitored by them as well or what to do about that since the gyno office is WAY closer to my house). I have to admit the past 2 weeks I've been taking Melatonin every night to help me fall asleep. I'm a nervous wreck!! I have no idea what to expect and I absolutely HATE being naked infront of doctors. I feel observed and judged. It's ridiculous I know since they see how many naked bodies a day.. my fertility doctor will be a male. Apparently he is well recommended and was rated a 5 stars on 'Rate my Doctor.com' haha. He sounds like the magic doctor who cures you and makes you pregnant in no time! Keeping fingers crossed for our case :)
Oh also this month, (January) I charted my ovulation to see if I would ovulate this month with no clomid.. and I did not ovulate, not even close :( . Just glad I have my charts to bring in with me to show the doc.
I forgot to mention my husband got his sperm checked couple weeks ago and its perfect.. actually it's more then perfect! Haha yay super sperms hahaha.. For his seminal fluid volume he scored 3.5 when the average is >1.9 mL. WOW EH! This made us laugh and it explained alot haha. For his total sperm count he had 99.4 and the average is >39.9 M. (no word of a lie!!) Wowser eh! Go hubby go! For the Concentration seminal fluid he got 28.4 and average is >19.9 M/mL. Only thing he has to watch for now is the seminal morphology, he scored 0.20 and the average/normal is 0.30-1.00. Doc did say there was an easy quick fix solution for this. Hubby has to air out his balls. (LoL). He has to wear tight boxers with a pouch for his sac. Weird I know, didn't even know those existed. We looked online to try and find where sells them and hubby said they were like 40$ a pair! That's just nuts. So we are trying to find other ways to cool them off. Morphology means sperm that are handicapped.. so either they have no tail, their not full grown and just morphed I guess.. so in other words useless sperm.. Doc said tho that because he had such a high volume of semen and such a high number of sperm count that the morphology shouldn't be an issue but that of course to give ourselves every possible change of getting pregnant it is an issue we will have to solve but it's very doable and this took so much pressure off.. to know I was the only problem and we only had to fix one of us lol.
I do feel like a really horrible wife tho, like I should be able to give my husband a large family like he deserves. I really hope to get pregnant soon and get answers in 3 days.
So there you have it.. my story. I am sure I will have alot more to share after my appointment. I have many other health issues that will play parts into reasons why it's harder to get pregnant but I'll mention those when I get more information after my initial fertility clinic appointment.
If you actually read all of this post, I thank you for finding interest in me. If you have any suggestions, advice or comments for me, please feel free to share. If you'd like to contact me threw email so it's more private you can contact me at: nadine.white.me@gmail.com
With Love,
The Impatient, Nervous and Scared Infertile Mrs.White
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