Hoping..

I am hoping for some good positive news on my fallow up appointment with fertility Dr on the 8th of April. (in 12 days) He is supposed to give us his game plan according to all our blood work results, health issues results and so on. Keeping fingers crossed it's something that works and doesn't put my body threw too much pain again. Regardless what it is, we're all in this. We're gonna give it 100% so bring it on!! I need a game plan, I need to feel like I'm working towards a goal that's achievable. Even if we don't get pregnant right away at least knowing we have support by a specialist behind us, will  make us feel alot better knowing what went wrong, what we can do better next time and so on. I'm ready! .. we are ready.. Mentally, physically and emotionally ready for this chapter of our infertility journey. I hope to prove wrong and turn this into a fertility journey. Maybe one day :) 

Oh and for the record, I ended up having my period a day after I posted about it being really late. It ended up lasting 6ish days and was extremely light threw out the 6 days. Definitively lighter then my usual period. 

The. Infertile. Mrs. White.

Gyno appointment = big fail.

On the 25th, I went to my gyno appointment that was scheduled for 10:20am. Ended up having to wait 45 minutes.. ugh hate waiting. Anyways, after that wait, I waited another 10 minutes in this room.. staring at cute happy babies.. success stories I guess..  

Turns out my appointment was very pointless one and the Dr even seemed a little annoyed that I wasted his time. He was like well if your seeing a fertility specialist why are you here typa thing.. I felt really stupid. I told him that I got both places who gave me appointments around the same time after having waited almost a year for a single appointment and so explained that I kept this appointment in case the other fell threw and that I thought he would be able to help me take control of my pcos and explained that my ovaries always seem to hurt and ache and that I don't know why.. well that I know their enlarged and full of cyst but that why the past couple months I seem to always be able to feel my ovaries they actually ache and feel irritated. He kept going back to "why are you here if your seeing a specialist who knows more then me". He also had a apprentice with him so it was double awkward. He kept saying he's sorry to have wasted my time witch made me even more uncomfortable because that's a way of saying I wasted his time. Ugh. I told him that since the specialist was in Edmonton I was hoping we could work together so I wouldn't have to drive all the way there every time I need a fallow up. He didn't really answer my question. He said he would write a letter to my family Dr who referred me to see him and appolagise for the misunderstanding. Like really!? He seemed like a really down to earth nice guy, but just seemed to make it really awkward. I get it he could be mad to have wasted a slot someone really ill would have needed so I overall felt really stupid. If I would have known I would have totally canceled it. I just didn't want to get in shit later on down the road by my Family Dr or specialist saying why didn't you keep the gyno. It happened all too weirdly for me. So I guess now I'm back to not having a gyno.. at least I have the specialist tho!! Sooo thankful for that and he's a real nice Dr too :) 

Overall, this appointment was a total bust and started my day off on the wrong foot.

The Infertile Mrs.White 

Fertile - Infertile

I REALLY really can't wait to get this ball rolling. It's been about a year and a half since we started ''trying''. I've never once gotten a positive test nor have I gotten close to having one. Am I possibly fertile with the help of medication (other then clomid) or am I simply infertile for reasons deeper then I'm yet to know?! 18 days and counting until my fallow up appointment with the Fertility Doctor. Really looking forward to his game plan. Very nervous but so impatient now, I've wanted this for soooo long and now that it's finally almost here weeks seem like months. I want every month from here on out to be real ''trying to conceive'' months. I don't want anymore wasted months... I know I don't ovulate on my own so bring on the medications.. bring on the needles whatever it takes I'll do it. (coming from a girl who absolutely hates needles). I want to be a mom, I want to be part of my own little family and have our family traditions and make memories and grow together. I feel like every month I'm not pregnant is a month less I'll get to spend with my child. 

Many close friends and cousins are pregnant around me. It hurts like hell to sit by and watch as their stomach get bigger and bigger and see their ultrasound pictures... It's funny to say but very often I get dreams that I'm pregnant and wake up and have to check if it's real. I want it so bad that my dreams become so vivid and I wake up feeling even more empty and sad inside... really feeling the void. 

AF where are you?!!

VERY Impatient..

I don't understand.. every month when I take progesterone days 1 to 10.. I usually get my period around the 12th-13th.. usually latest 14th. Well today we are March 17th and I've yet gotten them. I haven't charted this month so I have no idea IF or when I ovulated.. I'm not pregnant.. I took a test the other day just because I thought it was so unusual to not have gotten them yet. Def not pregnant.. just saying that because I know it's close to impossible (or sure feels like it) to grow a baby inside me..

A side note.. I take progesterone every 1st of the month for 10 days to help regulate my periods and to actually give me one. If I did not take progesterone then I would go months and months without a cycle... also the progesterone is supposed to help a bit with my pcos but I was given a low dosage and I have never been checked couple months later to make sure it was the right dosage for me (witch I'm not convinced it is). Usually they say that birth control pills help with pcos symptoms (don't ask me how) but I am not allowed to take birth control pills as I have a very high chance of getting blood clots (I'm Protein C deficient) and doctors didn't want to risk the chance. I was on Micronore for a couple months when I was younger.. they call it the ''mini pill'' lol. Long time ago I had told the Doctor that there wasn't any point in me taking it because it wasn't 100% nor not close to what the usual birth control rate is at. That's when Dr decided to give me progesterone.. mainly for the soul purpose of helping me get my periods back on track and regular. In the past I have taken two different kinds of birth control.. One was 'Yasmine' and I forget the other...  (before I knew I could't). When I decided to get off of 'Yasmine' I ended up getting my period for a Month straight! Not even kidding. After 2 weeks of period, I kept telling myself it will stop tomorrow.. It will stop tomorrow and it never did for 32 days. RIDICILOUS!! When I went to see my Dr (when my period was finally over) she didn't have a reason for it, just said it can happen when we stop taking them. To me that made no sense because my body didn't know I was stopping taking them since during the ''sugar pill week'' I got my usual period so it was really really weird. Never happened since tho fiouf! I used to be very low in iron when I was younger and so that month was really tuff on my body. 

All this to say.. Progesterone is supposed to work.. it's always worked for me so far.. Not getting my period during the time period I usually get it in makes me very anxious and nervous. I'm trying so hard to try and stay on track and take my progesterone everyday (10 days) at the same time and so on. Usually this would't bother me as much as it does now.. only because I finally have a Fertility Expert working with me (or about to..) and I really really want to be regular in my cycles so I and he knows what to expect and when my cycles are. Now I feel like I'm all thrown out of wack. My periods usually last around 5 days.. so technically right now I should done my period.

After this cycle I wanted to chart my ovulation.. I wanted to try using the program on the computer where it makes a graphic for you.. I've always just used OPK's but I was curious to give the program a try and I was looking forward to starting that asap.. so I guess that's what's making me so anxious.

C'mon red river!!! I've never wanted you to show up so bad before..
(and I know I'm not pregnant so why aren't you showing up already!!)

Irritated Infertile Mrs.White

Weird pain on my lower right side

In November - December I took clomid back to back and towards the start of January I started getting really weird pains on my lower right side. At first I didn't make much of it as I figured it was probably cyst that had detached or were irritated by the clomid cycles. I had weird similar pains on my 1st ever clomid cycle but not since till now. The weird thing is that it isn't pain from taking clomid.. like it's not the usual swelling feeling or irritated ovaries.. the pain comes from higher up in my abdomen to the right side. It's so stange to explain. By the end of January all the way till mid/end of  February the pain had transformed.. it felt like I had a weird mass inside and like for example if I was sitting down on a chair and I was to reach towards the floor to pick something up, I would get really sharp pain and felt like there was a mass where it should't be. I'm really bad at explaining. Also when I was at the gym, I was doing "twists" it's when your standing up straight and you twist your core from side to side to work your abdominal/core area. Well whenever I would try to do my twist exercises I would get sharp pains again and felt like my muscles were pressing agains a weird mass.. something that was clearly not supposd to be there. The pain would always surface at the weirdest times too and my husband could swear he felt a mass as well. I always tried and made him feel what I felt to make sure it wasn't me going crazy. He says he did feel something stange, like a weird circular mass.

I should have gone to the Doctors right away, I thought about it weekly but figures it was all in my head and must have been from the clomid cycles. (Even if the pain is weeks/months later). The pain had gotten so bad during a week in the start of Feb that I was going to go to the hospital emergency room and figured they would see me quicker then making an apt threw my doctor and I would get my results right away and a peace of mind. Stupid me ended up not going.. Mainly because I had similar pains on my 1st ever clomid cycle and had gotten an ultrasound done to see if there was something wrong and when I called the Dr office to see if my results were in, the secretary told me they came back with "nothing was wrong". I never even got to see my Dr to hear it from her but hey that's what I had to deal with back then. So this time around I figured why waste my time again..

Well finally I ended up making a Dr appointment to get a requesition to get an ultrasound done because of pain on right side. I was able to book an ultrasound for my pelvic/abdominal 4 days later (March 5th @ 8:30am). I went to the appointment and the technician girl was really nice. She took so many pictures! She started off with my pelvic area, I advised to her that I knew I had enlarged ovaries because of my Pcos.. I find if I don't tell them they think that's what their looking for and start mesuring and taking crazy amount of pictures when I already know about them. So she was like oh ok! So she spent less time there and let me go empty my blatter LOL. I have an over active bladder and so it's extremly hard for me to hold any kind of liquid in for a stretch of time. Afterwards she started taking pictures right below my breast area. I thought this was so strange as I told her the pain I was having was on my lower right side. She took crazy amount of pictures of my lungs I suppose then she made me lay on my side and took alot of pictures there too then finally took pictures of the area I went there for! She left the room and said she needed to go see the Dr to see if she needed to take anymore pictures and for me to wait. She left the screen open with my pictures on them.. So I sneeked a picutre of the screen.. only thing is I had absolutely NO idea what area of my abdomen they were taking from so I can't make my own analysis HAHA.

I have an apt with my family Dr tomorrow at 10am to get my results (March 13th). I wish I would have went to see a Doc when the pain was at it's worst because this month it feels alot better but I wanted to make sure to get checked out before we start trying again with meds. I told the ultrasound girl that I wanted a piece of mind to start trying again...

March 15th 
Turns out, as I expected.. there is nothing wrong that they can find. He says that yes my ovaries are very enlarged in my body thanks to all the cyst in them and that because they are so large it's probably what I feel from time to time.. Them pushing against other parts in my body and making it uncomfortable. It makes sense and it's what I figured.. I still don't feel like it explains the sharp pains.. must be cyst releasing or I guess like he said irritation.. oh I don't know. Bah.

The Infertile Mrs.White