Scale I hate you !

 

I took this picture today. Hubby and I were on our way to a Arts and Crafs Show.. We haven't been "out" and about together in a while so it was really nice to do something fun together (besides going to the gym!!), plus we're both really into arts so it was a perfect outing for both of us to enjoy. I decided to get prettied up, wore my cutest tightest skinny jeans and a "new but old" shirt that has been collecting dust in my closet for over a year because I couldn't brave wearing it till today!!! I put on some makeup, fixed up my hair and I felt great!!! I actually felt kinda sexy again.. It's been a long time since I felt like that.. At work I feel like a nun, I work with the disabled population and I cover up all the time and I always wear fun colourfull scarves around my neck covering myself even more (feels better around clients to be covered up). Soooo it felt really nice today to show a little more skin and I felt good in my skin finally!! 

Then when we got home.. We rushed to change into our gym gear and went over to workout. Once I got there for some reason I was just so not into it, I felt exhausted, not motivated, I was hungry and this time around my period is heavier then usual so I felt extra crappy (just feeling weird inside typa thing) Sooo I ended up dragging my butt threw most of my workout (lots of things I skipped because I felt really nauseated for example "mountain climbers", ''30 mins intense level cardio" and so on). I still feel like crap now that I'm home and even shittier because I did a half ass workout and not happy about that. 

For the first time in a long time I felt good today and then I get all emotional in the gym, yawned threw my whole workout and did a shitty job at it. 

Now I feel blah. Period I hate you! 

I was having such a good run at my first week of phase 3. Today was my day 2 of week 2 of phase 3 (lol). 

I think a good part of my blah-ness at the gym had to do with I weighed myself before starting my workout and well bad idea... It said I gained 2 pounds. This threw me off since I "felt good" in my tight clothes all day.. Kinda a downer.. Stupid scale is so messed up though because it's on carpet and never gives us an accurate reading. When I was done my workout it told me I had lost a pound since I had first started my workout.. Soo not accurate considering I drank 2 bottles of water and my muscles were swollen from working out. 

Needless to say next time I feel good I'm gonna say "f*ck you scale" and not bother with it. 

Hubby always tells me I should go with how clothes fit me and not the scale since I'm putting on so much muscles so it's normal I guess for it to not drop fast?!  Regardless I wish it did :( what I would do to see 160! It's so ridiculous that 160 sounds so good to me right now when ideally I should be closer to 125 for my hight. :( I hate numbers... They make me so depressed!! 

The Infertile Mrs.White

PCOS sucks!!

Having PCOS sucks...

My period has always been all over the place and shows up when it wants.. skips months then shows up out of the blue. Sometimes it's really heavy others it's barely there. It's always a guessing game and I can never time it's arrival nor do I 'sense' it's on it's way like most of the average women do by getting sore breast or by mild cramping indicating it's about to show up.

But...

I have been taking progesterone pills almost every month for over 3 years now to try and help regulate my cycle by giving myself a period and also to help with my pcos symptoms (so they say.. personally I don't find it helps the symptoms one bit!). For those curious, I take 1 pill a day at 10mg for 10 days. My gynecologist at the time suggested to me to take it every 1st of the month so that it would be easier to remember what day I was on to take the pills and it would be easier to remember this way in general. About a year ago I saw a new gynecologist out here in Alberta and he looked puzzled and even surprised that I was giving myself a period on purpose monthly. He told me that most women would love to be in my position and have few period, they would save money, pain (from cramping and all that jazz) and would be able to plan their lives better and not around a period. His reaction totally shocked me right back, I told him my reasoning was that I was trying to condition my body to hopefully fix itself (haha, naive I know) but like I was hoping it would just get used to the routine and that I could take progesterone every 2-3 months and that in between it would show up on time and on it's own. The gyno explained to me that I really didn't need to have a period every month, that periods are about 'shedding your layer' and that as long as I got a period every couple months I would be fine. Personally I just kept taking the pills because I want to be able to control at least that about my body and also that way I was able to track my non medicated cycles on my own and have less of a guessing game.

Well.... since this month is my month off anything fertility, period, pcos wise I figured hell with it, why give myself one if I don't have to right.. It's not like I need this cycle for anything... Really I don't.. if IUI doesn't work with perfect follicles and perfect sperm then why would doing it on our own work when I know my follicles grow into cyst and NOT eggs.. Anyways.. With the progesterone I usually get my period between the 12th and 15th.. so about 2-5 days after the 10th progesterone pill. Although... there has been a couple months where it showed up between the 18th-20th.

Bottom line is.. I took nothing this month and to my surprise I just got my period today (25th). Light but still very much there. I'm not sure what it means but I guess it's good? Last month (September) I did not take progesterone either because I had done my IUI August 31st and I got my period really heavy on September 5th I believe so there was no need for it.

The Infertile Mrs.White

Zombie Babies!!!.. eeek!

Halloween Countdown 6 Days!!! 

I was in a Halloween Costume Store the other day....

And there were ZOMBIE BABIES!!!!!!!

Hope you don't get nightmares ;) 

Life Update

I know I haven't posted in a while.. it was all part of my time off the blog and everything infertility that I could avoid to rejuvenate myself before going into our ''New Game Plan''. That's for another post though haha so check back for my follow up appointment update.

I've been actively working out and doing the Jamie Eason 12 week challenge. I am officially a day away from week 2 of Phase 3!!! I gave it my all, I changed my eating habits, I loaded up on vitamins and minerals (although I've always been pretty good at taking those) and kept myself very busy for the past month taking on extra shifts at work. I'm getting pretty used to this new lifestyle and routine my husband and I have going on. I have to admit at first it was really really hard but the harder I worked out at the gym and the more I made conscious daily healthy food decisions everything seemed to fall into place with less effort. I'm actually at the point where I enjoy our routine and at the end of the day I feel good about what  I've accomplished witch is nice for a change.

I started this 12 week challenge weighing in at my highest EVER @ 204 (eeek!)
This week, at week 9, I weight in at 188!!

16 pounds in 9 weeks.. not too bad. Definitely wish it was more but I still have 3 long hard weeks of training to go and I'm determine to loose the most during these 3 weeks. Phase 1 is a little slower paced, introducing your body to weights and light cardio, Phase 2 introduces you to challenge your body and lift really heavy weights and you train hard.. This phase makes your body ache daily and I really enjoyed it all.. I love lifting heavy weights, for some reason it comes easier to me and I love to push my limits and from week to week see how much stronger I got and I love pushing my max every week to where I'm lifting weights I never thought I could. Then there is Phase 3, the phase I am in now.. this one is HARD!! Phase 3 is all about supersets and active rest, lower weights with many reps. The workouts are designed for you to sweat from start to finish and challenges your heart rate and your endurance pushing you to your max cardio wise. Then at the end of each workout you have 30 minutes of intense cardio to do.. This is where I think in the next 3 weeks I will be burning the most weight. In phase 1, my body was just warming up and getting used to moving and pushing itself again. Phase 2 was all about waking up those muscles you forgot you had and pushing them to their max by lifting really heavy for lower reps. Now phase 3.. I can say I never had a workout that pushed me to my limits before.. Man oh man.. this phase is great in so many levels because I feel amazing after every workout because I'm covered in sweat from head to toe. I'm alot less sore daily this time around as in Phase 3 it's lower weights more reps but I am definitely challenged in keeping my cardio endurance up because each sets are "supersets and even triplesets" and you feel like you have no time to catch your breath in between workouts witch is the point haha.

This week definitely challenged me thought. Phase 3 takes me alot longer to go threw the workouts and there seems to be like double the amounts of sets to do! I am so hard on myself and try and push myself to my max and seem to get angry with myself when I have "off days" where I don't feel as strong. I am also really hard on myself every time I see the scale. (stupid thing!) Husband keeps telling me to ignore the scale because he says he sees a huge difference in my body already. He says my posture changed, the way my clothes fit changed and that he can really see my muscles toning up and says that I've definetly been putting on ALOT of muscle tone because I'm alot stronger and he can see definition in my legs and arms. (just need to get my stomach to shrink!!)

Overall, I feel ALOT better then I did 9 weeks ago and I'm definitely heading into the right direction. I just need to keep at it, keep pushing threw the long workouts, crush my daily cardio, ignore the scale, drink alot of water and be happy.

I do have to work on keeping work at work and not bringing my stressful day home with me. I've been a stress ball this week because alot has been going on and I just feel like I have no proper time to attack each thing that needs attention and to get done so I end up going to bed waaaay too late, wake up early with barely any sleep and my days drag on. I seem to be in a viscous circle this week of sleeping late, no matter what I tell myself when I wake up all groggy and sleepy and swear to go to bed early that night I still end up going to bed way past midnight. For example fell asleep last night at 4am and woke up at 8am and right now it is past 12:30 am and I still got a few things to do before bed. My brain is just on 'go go go' mode and I feel like I'm not getting all the things I want to get done.. done.

Couple things going on lately

1.  Flying home for a visit in 16 days and have alot to deal with before we go (haven't been home in a year and 8 months!)
- Saving a spot for our big dog at a doggy day care and finding the funds to pay for it!
- Getting a pet carrier bag for the little dog because shes coming on the plane with us.. this was very challenging because all the 3 pet stores we did, did not have the size required for our plane. (she needs to fit under the seats.)
- Finally bought one online and hoped it would do. It just arrived in the mail today and it's perfect! Little dog really likes it haha.. she's awesome.

2. I signed up to be a Stampin' Up Demonstrator!
- I've been wanting to be one for ages and finally worked up the courage to pursue it.
- Had to sign up witch took a little bit to do.
- Had to create my Stampin' Up webpage
- Had to place my first order, this was so exciting and exausting at the same time haha.. I've wanted so many of their items and got so excited and carried away, I checked their online catalogue like 10 times, made 3 different list of 'wish list' 'need list' 'want list'.. checked them all 3 times no joke, then finally placed my first order. (only on the 1st order you get 30% off so I wanted to make it good and worth it! Now I sit and wait till it arrives and I'm just too excited!!!!
- Find myself loosing myself on google searching for my next project to loose myself in.
- I find myself over thinking ways of how I can sell the product I love so much and how I can make my Art Blog even better and how I can vamp up my Facebook Art Fan Page so that even more people check it out.
- My brain is on overload when it comes to anything art related and I love it!! This has 100% helped me go threw the past month or so accepting things I cannot change and dive into things I love and can change! :)

3. Our new Game Plan fertility wise!!! (will be in December..)
- That's a whole other post on it's own so stay tuned for it...
- All I gotta say is that lately it's been on my mind alot and there is alot of research I want to make before we dive into it but I promised myself I wouldn't look at any of it for a couple more weeks.
- New game plan conscist of new, stronger meds and ALOT more of them! This aspect makes me so nervous you have no idea.. so I've been trying to keep away from thinking about it too much yet... I told myself after our follow up appointmnet that right now there is nothign I can change about it and that there is no point to stress about it till we get closer to the time.
- I haven't made a post yet about that appointment because I didn't let all the info sink in because I did not want to stress over it yet and knew there was no point to consume myself in it like I did every other time. The post is coming soon thought!

My red exhausted face at the gym right before 30 mins of cardio.. 

This is me not too impressed, tired, cranky and rather be anywhere but the gym...

But I managed to find something on tv and kicked ass at my cardio. 

The Infertile Mrs.White

My dog is awesome

Squats like a Champ!

That's right ladies... this is ME squatting like a Champ !!

I squatted for 12 reps no problem. (45lbs plate on each side)

Been working hard and it's been paying off :) 

I feel Great!

The Infertile Mrs.White

Stiff Legged Dead Lift

Stiff legged Dead Lift 

3 sets of 12 reps. 

35 lbs on each side

This is me couple weeks ago during the Phase 2 of my training. 

I can lift alot heavier now,. but thought this video was still pretty cool :)

A little sample of what I've been up to lately.. 

Bench Press

I'm doing not too bad :) My bench press still has a ways to go but I mean this is better then the average woman so I'm very happy with myself :) Also at this point I still had about 2.5 weeks of training in Phase 2 so I had room to keep improving :) The weight on the bar was a 25 lbs plate on each side plus the weight of the bar. 

Ps. That's the love of my life spotting me .. 

He's what keeps me fueled and going.

Sorry about the crappy video quality.. it was off of a friends phone to mine then to here so the quality is crappy. Also my lift was kinda crappy because this was towards the end of my workout and I was tired.. Just wanted to post something to keep you all posted and show proof that I'm indeed really doing all this.!

The Infertile Mrs.White

Happy Thanksgiving!!!

Happy Thanksgiving Everyone!!!! (Canadian). 

I'm thankful for so much this year!! Like for my amazing husband, supportive family and friends, a roof over our heads, food on the table, a steady job and 2 amazing loving dogs. Our adventure out here in Alberta has been a good one so far and I'm so thankful for that. Hoping by next year I have something else to be thankful for ;) ..maybe like a little baby growing inside me.. One can only dream. :)

This year we did not spend today with family nor friends (since they all live a couple provinces away) but we spent it together as a married couple and enjoyed the day loving on each other and relaxing. Back to reality (work) tomorrow. Why do days off seem to go by so fast!!! :p 

Hope you all had a good long weekend! (Even though I worked Saturday and Sunday boo). 

Xoxoxo 

The Infertile Mrs White 

Quick 1st week of October Update..

I've been crazy busy lately.. with the mix of my work hours (alternating every week 10-6pm and 11-7pm), new gym routine and prepping meals for my lunches and always cooking fresh meals for supper.. taking care of my 2 dogs and spending a little cuddle time with the hubby before bed i'm left with NO time to blog! This new routine is killing me but I'm starting to slowly get the hang of it.

This new gym and "Clean Eating" routine is hard work, I'm not gonna lie.. it takes up all the little free time I had before where I got to do my own thing and just veg on the couch after work or get things done around the house.. or even nap! If I'm not at the gym after work, I'm prepping meals for my lunch and cooking supper.. or doing dishes because when your always cooking fresh meals at home and all those Tupperware for lunches, dishes start to pile up so fast and we sadly do not have a dishwasher! (there is no hookup for one and we are renting so can't really install one).

I'm a huge crafty person and always find myself attracted to my dining room table where all my craft stuff is and lately I've had like NO time to create anything.. crafting is my escape from my work day.. I work with independent disabled clients who live on their own but need help to continue to function independently on their own... this means I help them with groceries, cooking, cleaning, medical appointments, any errands they need to do, activities in the community, laundry, managing a budget... you name it, I do it. So.. after work I really need to detach myself from my work and dive into something different like walking my dogs or doing crafts or blogging.. These things make me happy and keep my mind off work. Work can be exhausting physically, emotionally and is very draining since I have to drive around literally all day from client to client and then drive them to wherever they need to go. At the end of my day my brain is drained from always being very alert to every detail and with my clients they always relay on us to remember everything like their appointments, their budget anything and everything. When I get home, the last thing I want to do is get into my gym clothes and go workout for an hour and a half to then come home and cook supper and make a lunch. Hubby has been amazing though, he has cooked supper for me all this week and for my lunches all I had to prep was my healthy snacks (veggies and salads).

Today marks day 5 of my new "Eat Clean" lifestyle and Week 7 of training at the gym. I'm doing the Jamie Eason 12 week challenge... This 12 weeks is broken down into 3 parts.. I've done this training before but gave up when I finished part 2 because I had gotten really really sick and couldn't get back into it after. I have 2 days left of my part 2 then I start part 3. I'm looking really forward to it as it's even more challenging and really pushes you to your max, plus it's gonna be nice to mix up my workouts again. I will try and add the link to her website (off of bodybuilding.com) in case any of you are curious or interested in it.

And guess what..

I feel GREAT!!!

I haven't weighed myself in a bit because the scale at the gym ALWAYS gives me different numbers and I mean like 3-4 lbs difference within the same day typa thing.. plus it's on carpet so really not accurate. Alsoo.. I've been putting on alot of muscle since I workout with heavy weights (and do cardio) so I know alot of my weight will be in muscles so I will judge by the way my clothes fit instead of by the scale.. this way I won't get so discouraged.

I've had horrible migraines all week (sugar withdrawal), I've been grumpy and felt miserable because there is so much stuff I've wanted to get done in the past week and a half and haven't had any time to do them because I'm either too busy or need to lay on the couch with an ice pack nursing my migraine :( I'm very thankful for my husband though, he's been incredibly supportive and gives me my space when he sees I need it and showers me with love when I feel like I want to give up. Seriously, without him I don't know if I would be able to pull threw it. You have no idea how many temptations there are around me daily to make unhealthy choices.. My clients are constantly eating McDonald's in front of me, chocolate bars (especially now that Halloween is around the corner).. pop, coffee, pizza, anything pasta/bread related.. Sooo hard to pull threw a day when your craving carbs and milk! But guess what.. So far I'm 5 days in and I have no intention on not following threw till I see a huge difference in my endurance, weight, way my clothes fit and so on.

I've been taking pictures of my meals daily so I can be accountable for what I eat and so I can also feel guilty if I eat larger portions then I should. I find this really helps me stay in check. I'll try and make another post at some points with some pictures and ideas..

For now this is goodnight! I'm exhausted and just did a killer leg workout!!! I squatted 155lbs... that's right lady's! Video will shortly follow :) as I'm very proud! I also bench pressed 100lbs yesterday during my chest workout. My strength is definitively coming back quick.

I just took this picture tonight.. After squatting it "155lbs"!!

I will try and get a picture with me in it for proof :p Cause this is legit!! 

I can't wait to be able to post a before and after picture!!
Only like 4 more weeks and I should see a huge difference.


The Stronger Infertile Mrs.White