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Sunday, May 11, 2014

Mother's Day


This was my facebook status today:
"Happy Mother's Day to all the mom's and mom's-to-be. Also today can be a very hard and difficult day for many women out there, to those who lost their mom's, to those who never knew their mom and especially to the women who being a mom is all they ever dream/think about.. may today remind you to keep holding strong, keep having faith in something completely out of your control and never loose hope that one day your little mircle will happen. I'd like to point out.. in my dreams my future little girl looks just like this... a perfect blend of Brad and I with an extra side of cuteness... One day.. one day."
Thought I'd post it on here as well to remind all the beautiful women out there to keep holding on and that your not alone.. For the sake of facebook and the people on it I kept it light and very positive.... for the sake of my personal blog... today is not a good day... today is a very very hard day and I'm having trouble coping threw the day and keeping it together.. I'm surrounded by friends with young children and many many friends who are currently pregnant. Facebook is plastered with happy mommy-child pictures and for some reason this year Mothers's Day isn't about my own mom but focused on the lack of my own family. It doesn't help that my mom and mom-in-law are both many provinces away and today I feel more lonely then ever. Maybe if I were able to have spend some time with my siblings and mother I'd feel a little more hopeful. So hard to keep pushing threw and being so positive when months turn into years.. into more years.. into feeling like something that will never happen... 

I want to be able to look into the eyes of my child, a child I created out of all the love my husband and I have for each other, our own flesh and blood.. I want to be able to look into the eyes of something we created together and see myself "us" in them.. I want to see those little eyes looking back at me.. 

I wish I was part of some sort of infertility group.. a group of woman who meet up from time to time to talk, vent and share stories and to make it threw days like today together.

The Infertile Mrs.White