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Sunday, July 20, 2014

New game plan

We always said that a 3rd IUI would be the last, that if it didn't work after 3 that we would turn to IVF right away and not waste anymore eggs, time and money.

Problem is..

We just don't have $13 000 + + to dish out on something that might or might not work. We aren't ready to loose out on that much money, especially when that could be a down payment on a new house, pay off my car and some of hubby's truck, plus we refuse to put ourselves in dept then get pregnant and not be able to use that large sum of money towards buying baby stuff (nice crib, baby seats, clothes, decorate baby room the way we want...) dishing all that money just to conceive a baby would leave us pretty empty handed and not let us buy all the nice things we would want to spoil the baby especially after waiting this long and wishing for it for so many years. It just doesn't make sense for us in our situation. Soo.... this leads us right back to trying yet another IUI.. a fourth one. My body feels so much better, healthier, nourished and my mind is cleared and ready for this. The time off between IUI3 and IUI4 has done my husband and I some good and now we are more ready then ever and stronger as a team for it too. He's always been an amazing support but when I was going threw really dark days he couldn't handle it anymore.. we became distant and I stopped being able to go to him to vent about new pregnancy announcements, about things that upset me during my day because I sounded like a broken record and he just got so tired of hearing me bitch and complain daily about how life isn't fair and how I hated everyone around me and how I had daily reminders of how big of a failure I was. We both took a step back and I worked on things on my end and when I really thought about it I realized that I was a constant reminder to him about how he's not a dad yet and that venting all the time wasn't the way he deals with my infertility. He needed to have good days, infertility reminder free. He needed more us, lovey cuddly happy us back. He always told me that a baby will happen for us when it's meant to (still irritated hearing that) but it's true... I gotta focus on more of the positive and learn to brighten up my dark days. I started making alot of pregnancy cards and crafts (all added on my craft blog). I find that sending out cards to all my pregnant friends and those on instagram that I don't know made me happy to put a smile on their face and at the same time it kept me connected with what I'm obsessed about haha.. pregnancy! Even though I've been disconnected from "actively trying" I still had that piece with me. It helped me not be so bitter and to accept the pregnant friends around me by giving them crafts I've made and they all said they would cherish the cards and put them in the baby books! Made my day :) I wanna be remembered as a caring friend and not an angry infertile. Don't get me wrong, I still get dark gloomy days where infertility and the lack of a baby and a family of my own takes over but the next day I have to shake it off.

A couple of months ago my husband and I decided that August would be the month we would try our 4th and hopefully last IUI. During those months of waiting till August, we worked on loving each other extra much, doing small things for each other often, laughing, sharing many good moments together and feeling happy. Knowing IUI was months away we worked out at the gym together hard, eat extra clean and healthy and nourished our bodies with all sorts of amazing vitamins and minerals. We both feel 100% better, our minds are cleared, our hearts are healed and we are ready for another go at infertility. Today marks day 1 of 10 of my progesterone pills I take to bring on my period or else I might not get my period this month as I'm not regular so I get to pick and choose when I want to start taking it and get to plan my IUI cycle a little ahead of time haha.. Kinda cool tho right?! So today is 1 of 10 witch means my last pill day will be on the 29th of July then I usually start my period 2-4 days after witch should bring us right towards the start of August!! Then the minute my period shows up I call the fertility clinic and book my Cycle day 3 baseline ultrasound appointment. I cannot wait!!! These 10 days are going to go by soooo slow!!! The time is finally here and it's so exciting again. One step closer to actively TTC!!

The Infertile Mrs.White