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Wednesday, June 26, 2013

The NEW Game Plan


So my 'what's next' appointment with the Fertility Doctor was 2 days ago (on Monday). I meant to post right away but had a real busy start to my week. The apt went a little weird.. First we sat down with a nurse who went over our chart quick so she could jot down a few notes for the Dr to make it quicker when he saw us.. then there was a very young 'resident student' who came in and talked with us. She asked us if we had any questions for the Dr, we explained how we were very interested in IVF and needed more information so she explained alot about it to us including price range. She left the room then came back with Dr 10 minutes later. We repeated ourselves again, basecly explaining why we were there to see him (failed IUI and wanted to know whats next and voice our interest in IVF, trying to raise money and wanted to know alot more info about the cost and process before committing). For some reason the price range for the ivf process he gave us wasn't the same numbers the resident student had given us so I found that a little strange. Also.. somewhere in there Dr said IUI was about 20% chance of getting pregnant where as IVF would be 55%-65% if I remember correctly. For some reason I thought IUI chances were way higher then that! I had done all my statistic research a while ago but everywhere I get my info the numbers change from site to site so I figured I'd ask the Doc.

Bottom line, Dr said we are going to do YET ANOTHER IUI! (the minute AF shows up I am to call their office to book me in for baseline ultrasound on day 3). To be honest, I really don't know how I feel about this... I think I'm still in a haze. I had a weird image of how the apt would go and for some reason I thought he would tell me IVF would cost less then I had anticipated in my head and I would leave there with hope that IVF would come alot quicker and would be so much more realistic then planned. I have this weird feeling inside I cant seem to shake off.. anxious I think.. and like I feel so powerless to the situation. I keep feeling deep inside that this IUI cycle much like the first will turn into my clomid fiasco of failure after failure after putting my body threw hell! (I really had every possible symptom with clomid and it was not a fun journey at all for me).  Dr also seemed to think that maybe our problem was that the sperm had trouble penetrating my eggs so he recommended for the IVF assisted hatching witch cost $1 500 for such a simple quick procedure.. like c'mon people 1500!!! that's just ridiculous!!! Not to mention another $600 a year to freeze my eggs in case something goes wrong or if it fails id have backup so we wouldn't have to go threw that part of the process all over again.

Bah.. I can't seem to wrap my head around this whole infertility bullshit I find myself in. I woke up yesterday morning with a "why me" feeling. Babies are pooping up right left and center around me for the past couple months! 3 babies were born within the same week it's crazy.. and here I sit feeling sooo extremely powerless and I'm really feeling more then ever that ALL of the power is out of my control.. I can take as many fertility drugs as possible, I can fallow the game plan to a T and still fail time after time when these people out there forget to wear condoms and get 'oups!'. GAHH!!!

I know I have to keep positive.. much like my blog link, it's a rollercoaster.. I get many ups and downs threw this journey and right now I'm a little on the down side. IVF feels so unrealistic at this point and over the past couple weeks I had high hopes for this "raising money" situation and felt good about reaching out to friends and family, getting our story out there and I really felt lighter.. like my infertility was no longer a deep dark secret I hid from the world, that now finally everyone knew WHY we didn't have like 4 kids by now and that no it's not because we aren't ready, or no it's not because we are waiting or don't want kids or even that we just haven't started trying yet.. Hell if only people knew what the past 2 years have been like for us in the baby making department. Also about the fund we started.. now I'm starting to feel like I don't know enough people to raise enough money to actually go threw IVF before a year from now. I'm so impatient at this point too.. We want it so bad, we are stable, both have good jobs and good benefits, we have 2 amazing dogs who are so gentle and cuddly and would be really good with babies, we are where we want to be in life.. only thing missing is babies keeping us up all night haha. And I say babie's' because we want a large family and I'm really REALLY wishing for twins.. I've wanted to be a twin since I was very young and to have twins I'd be over the moon and would have so much fun with them! I could go on and on about how bad we want this but I'm sure you get the point.

I forgot to mention.. Doctor also wants me to get a few test done when I go in on day 3 of AF during my baseline ultrasound.. He wants me to get a Antral Follicle Count (AFC) and a Saline Infusion Sonohysterogram (SIS). I don't understand why every possible test isn't administered when you first meet the fertility Doctor to rule out what is and isn't causing the infertility.. wouldn't these 2 test be part of that category? He has never mentioned these before.. only once we voiced our interest about IVF did he mention he wanted me to get this done. Weird no?

The Nervous Infertile Mrs.White