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Thursday, March 21, 2013

Fertile - Infertile

I REALLY really can't wait to get this ball rolling. It's been about a year and a half since we started ''trying''. I've never once gotten a positive test nor have I gotten close to having one. Am I possibly fertile with the help of medication (other then clomid) or am I simply infertile for reasons deeper then I'm yet to know?! 18 days and counting until my fallow up appointment with the Fertility Doctor. Really looking forward to his game plan. Very nervous but so impatient now, I've wanted this for soooo long and now that it's finally almost here weeks seem like months. I want every month from here on out to be real ''trying to conceive'' months. I don't want anymore wasted months... I know I don't ovulate on my own so bring on the medications.. bring on the needles whatever it takes I'll do it. (coming from a girl who absolutely hates needles). I want to be a mom, I want to be part of my own little family and have our family traditions and make memories and grow together. I feel like every month I'm not pregnant is a month less I'll get to spend with my child. 

Many close friends and cousins are pregnant around me. It hurts like hell to sit by and watch as their stomach get bigger and bigger and see their ultrasound pictures... It's funny to say but very often I get dreams that I'm pregnant and wake up and have to check if it's real. I want it so bad that my dreams become so vivid and I wake up feeling even more empty and sad inside... really feeling the void.