Tuesday, February 4, 2014
Call me crazy. I tested 1 last time... I wanted to make absolutely sure I was out of the game.
I can't help but think of all those people out there who are overcome with joy and relief when they see this pop up.. It's hard to wrap my head around the fact that so many drunked one night stands lead to "Oh Fuck I'm Pregnant!" and such hard effort and energy put into trying to actually make a baby leads to "You fail, do not pass threw pregnancy, do not collect all the money you just spent, better luck next time". This "Not Pregnant" stared at me in the eyes like daggers. It hurts no matter how often I see it month after month.
Now I need to shake off all these mixed up emotions & deep deep sadness and take a step forward into a new plan. I need to keep moving to stay sane.
For some stupid reason I let myself day dream about what my pregnancy would be like.. How being pregnant with my best friend would be like.. All the memories we would make and how even closer we would get and that bond we would make. I let myself imagine myself being part of the pregant and mommy world and how it would feel.
I was foolish and now I hurt cause of it.
The Infertile Mrs.White