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Thursday, February 13, 2014

I'm so tired of...

I'm so tired of the wait,
I'm so tired of the disappointment,
I'm so tired of trying to convince myself that "this time is OUR time"
I'm so tired of future planning our lives to only see years go by with nothing changing.
I'm so tired of waiting on the side line while everyone else gets pregnant by just looking at a man.
I'm so tired of being tired
I'm so tired of all the injections
I'm so tired of all the doctors appointments and follow ups
I'm so tired of spreading my legs for someone other then my husband
I'm so tired of being hiked up on hormones that mess up my body for weeeeks after
I'm so tired of being in too much pain from ovaries growing stupidly big&fast to have sex
I'm so tired of mood swings and being overly emotional
I'm so tired of all the side effects especially horrible daily headaches/migraines
I'm so tired of gaining weight when we're ttc
I'm so tired of taking prenatal vitamins every night to just keep getting bfn!
I'm so tired of clinging on to hope & faith for dear life because we both know how much being parents mean to us and at what lengths were willing to go to to get there.
I'm so tired of throwing money at a dream that's starting to feel like it's always just gonna be that.. a dream.
I'm so tired of always being scared to hear the next pregnancy announcement
I'm so tired of being asked if I have kids to then be told "oh just not ready yet eh" like making babies is clockwork and like we haven't been trying month after month for 3 years bitches
I'm so tired of looking into my in laws eyes knowing that I might never give them the gift of grandchildren born from their first born.
I'm so tired of feeling so misunderstood
I'm so tired of the title of this blog.
I need a miracle and I need it asap !!!!

The Infertile Mrs.White