BUT... I'm exhausted, I think I forgot how draining the really early drive to Edmonton Clinic is.. How long my days end up, how painful the injections are, how shitty the side effects are, how moody and emotional I get.
I forgot how much I pray, hope and try and remind myself daily why I'm doing this.
It's so hard going threw this part of the journey and staying strong when nothing is certain, you work your ass off, you go on crazy diets and food restrictions, you stop drinking alcohol, you stop drinking caffeine.. Your in pain for weeks yet I still have nothing to show for it (5 cycles of clomid and now 3 iui's). We dish out so much money, so much time & energy and get so emotionally drained. I wish I could fast forward threw this part to two weeks from now.
I'm really not enjoying these new injections and hopefully tomorrow I'll hear what I want to hear.. that my ovaries grew exactly to where they wanted them to be (haha, I can only dream) but at least that way it would justify all the pain I'm feeling.. I seriously feel like someone blew up my ovaries, not 5 days worth of injection but like they just blew up instantly.
I feel miserable today. I've had a horrible horrible headache again all day and I mean ALL DAY. There is seriously nothing I can do to lower the pain or make it go away completely. I took a tylenol but it didn't make a dent. I'm at the point where slamming my head in the wall looks like a good idea :( My head has been boiling all day and so have my ovaries.. They are so warm to the touch and I can definitely feel them working. I'm so hormonal today it's insane! Good thing today is my day off work and a sunny Saturday at that!
My injection did not go so good today. I got it all ready and hubby injected it, OMG did it ever kill from the minute he pieced my skin to a good 15 minutes later. He must have hit something on the way in and when the injection liquid started going in my entire body was yelling, I did not want to react or yell out loud because I did not want hubby to panic and either yank it out or push the liquid in quicker so I just stood there, closed my eyes and bit hard on my lip hoping I wouldn't pass out. When he said "done" I was like holy hell that hurt, I was like you hit something and it killed, he admitted he felt the needle hit something.. ugh makes me weak in the knees. I don't have a bruise but the injection area is definitely really sore to the touch.
My emotions today are all over the place. I've spent almost all day alone since hubby slept in late since he got home from work at 7 this morning and then he went to the gym and got ready for work (cooked food for his lunch, shower and so on) so I didn't really get to actually see him much. While he was sleeping I went to the grocery store and got myself some more groceries.. --- I don't think I've mentioned it yet but I'm going 100% gluten-free for the month of January. So far so good and I'm really enjoying this challenge. There are alot of gluten-free foods in grocery stores now a days so it makes it alot easier to stick to this plan. I'm not doing it to loose weight although that would be a great bonus.. I'm doing this more as a personal challenge.. I want to test my will power and challenge myself in cooking fun healthy meals. I fell off the wagon mid November and all of December I eat horrible and I was fully aware of it, I didn't care and I was going threw a phase where I was down and depressed and hated being away from family and friends over the holidays and the weeks leading to the holidays and eat my feelings I guess... So January I am taking control again. I did not want to go all dramatic and do sugar-free and dairy-free because that would just be so un-realistic for me at this point.. I've tried it a couple months ago and I failed couple weeks in.. Gluten-free is a good start for me and it is motivating the more days go by that I haven't cheated. I can still have my sweets (as long as their gluten-free) and that makes me happy haha. I'm about 95% dairy-free but that's not really by choice.. I'm lactose intolorent. --- When I got home, put everything away and did some crafts. I recently got alot of new Stampin' Up stuff (I'm a demonstrator) so I've been trying to grow my supplies and I haven't had the chance to play with them yet so all week I had planned that today (Saturday) would be reserved to creating and I had planned to be very productive and get all the things I wanted to get done, done. I was fine for about an hour then my head started hurting alot more and I was having trouble focusing on my projects. I was getting really impatient and my ovaries were starting to really ache again. They have been achy all day on and off. I took a break, made myself some food and went back at it.. I've been trying to make tutorial videos I can put on youtube (never done that before..) but they weren't working out, I was loosing focus, I was so out of it and everything took longer then it usually would so I just gave up... hubby gave me my injection around 5:45 and then I had to lay down on the couch because it hurt so bad, then about 20 minutes later I wasn't able to sit upright on the couch, my ovaries were killing me and I could definitely feel that the injection was already hard at work.. so I laid down and watched Netflix again and now I'm mad because today was supposed to be a productive day, it was my only day off work where I got to be home all day and barely got what I wanted to get done, done. Bahh..
Tomorrow is our first follow up ultrasound and blood work for this cycle. I can't wait to know how big my follicles are because I can definitely feel them! Really hoping we don't need more then 2 more days of Menopur.. (probably isn't the case) and I'm going to have to start my Progesterone injections sometime soon I take it. He did not mention anything about that at our baseline ultrasound.. and my Dr will not be in the office tomorrow so hoping it's marked clearly in my file.. I've never done the progesterone injections before so hoping this is where we went wrong the first 2 times.. Nervous and excited for tomorrow
Off I go to listen to my circle and bloom Cd and catch some ZZZZzZzzz.
The Infertile Hormonal Mrs.White